A Host Club's Hostess
by IndigoBlueButterfly
Summary: Haruhi's cousin Daichi Kyoko has enrolled in Ouran on a semi-scholarship and she's currently living with her. What happens when she becomes the twin's newest toy? HikaruxOCxKaoru (eventual HikaruxOC). Written because I love the twins so much!
1. Chapter 1

**The Host Club's Hostess**

I huffed as I reached the floor and collapsed on the ground, breathing heavily. _A multimillion dollar school,_ I scowled._ And they couldn't even buy elevators? _You would think that a school this rich would be able to at least afford an escalator for every floor. I mean, the fountain outside looked like it was made of gold. At least gold mixed with some other fancy metal.

I sat up and looked around while I caught my breath. A huge window was open opposite me. from it, I could see the grounds and the gardens. I could see the maybe-golden fountain with the maybe-golden statue of the boy peeing out water. That thing had just been hilariously obscene to me. _Rich people are horribly eccentric, aren't they?_

Exploring the entirety of Ouran High had been a daunting, and undeniably terrible choice of how to spend the hour before my mom finished her meeting with the superintendent and dropped me at my cousin's place. As much as I loved my mom, I couldn't wait for her to go back to England and leave me in Japan with my cousin. I hadn't seen the girl in about two years, since I was fourteen.

I wasn't actually rich. I was only in Ouran as a result of the semi-scholarship I had won, which meant that my parents were allowed to pay a 45% discount on the school fees. My parents occupied the slightly upper middle class area. They earned a little more than the ordinary wage, but not enough to be considered totally affluent.

Suddenly, the sounds of loud laughter reached my ears. Curiously, I got to my feet and smoothed a hand over the skirt of my dress. I grimaced. As a sort of _goodbye-I won't see-you-for-about-a-year gift_, some lapse of judgement on my part had agreed to allow my mother to dress me up.

That had been a big mistake. My mom and I differ when it comes to clothes. I like dark colours, and dislike pink. She once tried to convince me to bleach my hair strawberry blonde with her at the salon she frequents in England.

Anyway, I was now wearing a white and pale blue-striped sundress with spaghetti straps. The dress had a flared skirt, and I was wearing matching blue wedge-heels. My brown-black (more black than brown) hair was tied up in two high pigtails on each side of my head. The tips of the tails stopped just above my waist.

I tossed a stray strand of hair out of my eyes, and followed the sound to a large door. _The Third Music Room…._

The laughter was definitely coming from inside. I wondered what was going on that seemed so amusing. School was over, so it couldn't be a class. Maybe it was a club! I pushed the door open, and was nearly blinded by a bright white light. A flurry of pink rose petals then hit me in the face. One even entered my mouth, and I spat it out before I could choke and die.

"Welcome!" The light cleared to reveal seven boys. Six were standing around a plush armchair, in which the seventh sat. I froze in the doorway. _Holy crap where the hell am I?_

The one in the chair suddenly whirled in front of me, and I took an inadvertent step back. He was definitely good-looking, with blonde hair, purple eyes and a pretty-boy smile. He looked foreign, definitely not Japanese. I'm going with either French or English.

"Welcome, princess!" He took my hand in his and I stared at him blankly. _Look, I have no idea who the hell you are, so could you please stop touching me?_ "What is your name?"

Apparently, he was not too well versed in the art of reading body language. "Uh…Daichi Kyoko," I replied, rather warily. Overly cheerful people sometimes scared me.

He beamed. "Ah, what a beautiful name! Almost as beautiful as its holder!" And with that, he kissed the top of my hand very gently. I blinked. _Oh…kay… _

I was not very used to being touched so casually by boys, so I was pretty stumped by this guy. He didn't seem perverted, nor did he seem disgustingly smarmy. So I just pulled my hand out of his grip, very slowly, and (when he wasn't looking, I'm not that mean) I wiped it on the back of her dress.

"Ah, tono, she isn't dressed in the school uniform!" Two identical twin boys suddenly slid between the two of us, directly in front of me. I could see the blonde one getting angry behind them.

"Is she a student here?" The other one asked, and as he did, they leaned closer as though they were scrutinising my face. Totally freaked out now, I lifted a hand and pushed them back.

"Personal space, please," I said. "I don't like having – HARUHI!?" Said girl/probably-forced crossdresser turned, just in time to be tackled by an enraged/excited/horribly confused me. I began shaking her by her shoulders the second she pulled away. "WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL I DON'T SEE YOU FOR TWO YEARS AND THEN WHEN I DO I FIND OUT YOU'RE IN A PLACE LIKE THIS AND YOU'RE DRESSED LIKE A BOY!?"

"Kyoko-chan…" she sounded dizzy. Good. She could reflect on her okama ways while she was attempting to regain equilibrium. I was not pleased. Why the hell was she wearing the boy's school uniform? I mean, I get that the female uniform sucks epically, but she even cut her hair!

_Wait, do these people have anything to do with this? _I dropped her and turned on the other members of the Host Club, my eyes gleaming scarily. "_Which one of you did this to my cousin_?"

I was so ready to murder them all if they had been doing anything to my cousin, until Haruhi placed a hand on my elbow. I looked over at her, confused. "It's not like that, Kyoko," she explained in a soothing voice. "I owe them and this was the fastest way to pay them back."

My eyes narrowed even more. "What do you owe them that you have to go around looking like a guy?"

She removed her hand from my arm and rubbed the back of her head nervously. "8 million yen…"

"WHAT THE HELL!?" I screamed, and resumed shaking her once again. "WHAT DID YOU DO, STEAL DRUGS? HOW DO YOU OWE 8 MILLION YEN?" I turned and glared viciously at the other Host club members. They sweatdropped nervously under my glare, except for a dark haired guy wearing glasses and holding a black notebook. "Someone better explain all of this to me before I explode." The twins raised their hands. I arched an eyebrow and pointed at them. "Yes, the redheaded doppelgangers."

They materialized on either side of me, one had their arm draped around my neck and the other had his arm around my waist. "Haruhi broke a vase we kept in the room…" one of them began.

The other twin continued. His voice was slightly different, but I wasn't really paying attention at that moment. "…it was really expensive and we were hoping to auction it off for charity…"

"…so Haruhi has to work to pay it all back!" They concluded simultaneously, both with wide Cheshire-cat smiles on their faces. "Right, Haruhi?"

"Unfortunately…" Haruhi muttered. I blinked, and put a hand to my head like I was getting a migraine from all of this. "Ah, Kyoko-chan, it's not so bad! Everyone here is really nice, though weird, and they treat me very well."

I was dubious, and then I took a good look at Haruhi. The last time I had seen her, she'd happy, but still seemed reserved. She had told me that she wanted to dedicate her high school life to studying, so she could become a good lawyer like her mother. I hadn't been all that happy about her choice, I had supported her because it was for a good cause.

But now, it seemed like she was really having a lot of fun with the club. So I supposed I should be happy for her, even if she was turninggirls into unintentional lesbians. This was deception on a grand scale. How were they even doing this? "How are you even doing this?" I asked.

"Ah, that would be me," the dark haired guy with glasses smirked. "I simply hacked into the school's files and changed Haruhi's gender on the database to Male."

I stared at him out of blank eyes. "You…what?" He smiled, and his glasses flashed creepily. _Note to self, do not mess with this guy. Not unless you enjoy being knocked out and being deported to Antarctica._

Someone suddenly jumped on my back from behind, and I yelped and looked over my shoulder. "Kyoya's very good at that sort of thing!" The person said. "Ah, Kyo-chii, how do you know Haru-chan?" The cutest boy I had ever seen in my life asked. Really, he had blonde hair, blue eyes, cherub cheeks, the whole works! _Ah, so cute!_

I blushed and smiled at him. "Well…Haruhi is my cousin."

"Really?" The twins asked. "Haruhi, you didn't tell us you had a cousin!" They suddenly sandwiched me between them, poking my cheeks cheerfully. "And she's so cute! We should keep her! She can be our new toy!"

"Wait what?" I struggled to get out of their hold, but they had a pretty good grip on me. "I AM NOT A TOY! HELP ME!" Suddenly, I was plucked out of their arms and placed on the ground by a good looking and super tall guy. I beamed up at him with my cutest, most grateful smile. "Thank you!"

"You're welcome."

"Hey, Mori, she's our toy not yours!" The twins said. I quickly placed myself next to Haruhi and away from them.

"I am not a toy," I repeated. I turned to Kyoya. "But since Haru-chan is here, then I want to be a part of it as well. I'll work and help her pay her debt off faster!"

The blonde guy blinked at me. "But, you're not wearing a school uniform. Are you even in this school?" Oh yeah, that was true. They didn't know I was transferring here. Haruhi knew, but before she could tell him, someone beat her to the punch.

The black haired guy looked up at me with a smirk. His glasses flashed sinisterly. People with glasses, you usually shouldn't mess with them. "Daichi Kyoko, age 16. She is Haruhi's cousin on her mother's side. She lived in England for the past three years, during which she participated in several vocal competitions. She is well trained in aikido, and plans to train in judo while here in Japan. She is fluent in English, Japanese and French. She will be transferring to Ouran starting next Monday and will be in 1-A with Haruhi and the twins."

He snapped the notebook shut. I just stared at him like _dude, WTF?_ How did he know all of that!? You know what, forget it. I had a feeling that was not going to be the most shocking thing I would encounter if I joined this club. _How has Haru-chan been surviving this?_

Suddenly, I was glomped again. "Then that's a great idea, Kyoko!" The blonde guy, I had to find out his name soon, beamed. "Ah, I know, you can be the host club's hostess!"

"You mean maid, right tono?" The twins asked with matching weirdo smiles on their matching faces. I glared at them.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked warily.

The black haired guy smiled, and that smile, you could tell that messing with him would end up with your dead body being discovered months later in the Arctic circle. "It would be your job to serve guests snacks and such."

"But I don't want to be a maid," I shook my head frantically.

He went in for the kill. "Something like that would definitely help out your cousin a lot."

I grimaced at the thought of serving a bunch of spoiled rich kids, and then I nodded with a defeated sigh. "Fine…"

"Yay!" The cute little boy hair leaped into my arms. He was so cute! I immediately melted. "Kyo-chii's gonna be part of our club! Isn't that great Takashi?" The tall guy nodded his agreement.

The twins sandwiched me again. "Kyo-chii is so cute!" The one on the left pinched my cheek.

"She's definitely going to become our newest toy!" The other one beamed brightly while repeatedly poking my other cheek. "Isn't that great, Kyo-chii?"

I groaned. Something told me that this was going to be a strange, somewhat fun and exciting experience. "Ugh, fine…but I absolutely refuse to cosplay!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the reviews! Also, I forgot to say it before, but I don't own OHSHC. I wish I did though. I also wish I owned a set of Cheshire Hitachiins but my life isn't that amazing yet. **

**Be Careful With Physical Examinations**

My face showed my obvious irritation. "I thought I made it clear that I wasn't going to do any cosplays!?" I yelled at the twins. I was dressed in a light fuchsia pink yukata. The dress went down to my ankles and was tied at the waist with a wide blue ribbon. My hair had been tied up into a side bun and pinned with a few cherry blossoms.

It wasn't even funny how they got me into it. I won't go into details, but it involved kidnapping and bribery. Basically they offered me a gourmet strawberry cheesecake…and who am I to pass that kind of deal up? You can pretty much get me do anything if you offer me food, like with Haruhi and ootoro. I don't know if it's a Daichi/Fujioka thing, but that's the way we are.

Anyway, I had agreed to wear the dress like this for the duration of the club, even though I was not happy with it at all.

On a side note, the school's uniform for the girls was hideous. I looked like a duck! So I had redone mine by donning the boy's blazer over a white shirt and worn a black, pleated skirt, knee high socks and black flats to go with it. I looked so much better in that. _Maybe I should ask the school to change the uniforms to that…_

I reached up to touch my hair, and my hand was pulled away by one of the twins. "No, you'll ruin the arrangement!" Like my head was some sort of flower vase.

They were both dressed like waiters, in black vests and trousers, white shirts and white aprons. So were Tamaki and Kyoya. Haru-chan, Mori and Honey were dressed in kimono-like outfits.

I scowled at them. "What am I, a doll?"

They grinned their wide, mischievous and creepy smiles. "Maybe," they said simultaneously, patting me on the shoulders. "You're our toy, remember?"

I sweatdropped and let my head flop forward in defeat. "I so did not agree to that…"

"You didn't have to…" one of them said. I really had to find a way to tell them apart. I knew their names, Hikaru and Kaoru, but I didn't know who was who. I needed to find out before I accidentally called one by the other's name

"…it just happened," the other finished.

"Accept it," they said together.

"I don't wanna!" I whined. I could imagine myself flailing my arms and legs like some irate chibi doll.

They hugged me cheerfully. "You have no choice!"

_I'm beginning to see that, _I thought to myself with an anger mark. Kyouya looked over at us. "You guys are making too much noise." I flushed and stopped flailing. Kyouya still scared me more than I cared to admit. He turned his attention to the twins. "You two, get ready," he ordered. "It's almost time to start. As for you, Kyoko, you should start setting the trays and the tables."

I pouted and, with one final glare at the twins, I marched over to the table laden with the desserts and teas. I arranged the circular pink, strawberry cakes around a smaller chocolate cake to form a sort of blossom arrangement. I actually had talent for this cake arranging/decorating thing. Back in England, one of my friend's mom ran a bakery and she and I used to help out every weekend, so I learned ways to make a simple dessert tray look even more appetizing using colour contrasts and flavours.

I smiled properly for the first time since I had entered the club, straightened and prepared to host.

* * *

oOo

* * *

"Kyoko!" I looked over, an angry tick mark barely showing on my head. It had only been, what, ten minutes? I was already making plans to shoot myself in the head. _Is this was Haruhi has been going through? How is she not insane?_

Well, Haruhi had always had a higher threshold in her reactions to weird things in life. I suppose that's what happens when your father is a bisexual transvestite that works at an okama bar and treats you like his favourite childhood doll.

Tamaki beckoned to me with one finger, and I hurried over with the cart. I had noticed the girls giving me weird looks from the corner of my eyes, but I was doing a good job of ignoring them. They were probably wondering who I was and why I was here.

I reached the table, and Tamaki turned to the girl beside him with a charming smile. He asked her which of the teacups on the cart she would like her tea in, and then proceeded to rattle off a list of fancy names that all sounded like gibberish to me. Fancy gibberish, but gibberish nonetheless.

She asked if they were British antiques, and I really should have been suitably impressed, but all I could think was: _oh my gosh, it's just tea! Could you just pick a cup already?_

In the end, she didn't pick a cup because Tamaki spouted some strange line about wanting her or something like that, and then she blushed and some girls screamed somewhere and I walked away with a large sweatdrop on my head.

"Well _that_ was a waste of valuable time…" I muttered under my breath. "Maybe I should go see what Haruhi's up to."

I passed by the twin's table and, as I did, Kaoru turned and spilled a cup of scalding hot tea all over his hands. "Kaoru!" My eyes widened in stunned…you know, I'm not even quite sure what the emotion was, as Hikaru lifted his twin's burned finger to his lips and kissed it. "Geez…it's because you were looking elsewhere. All you need to look at is me."

"…Hikaru…"

_Um…okay then…_ My need to care quickly trumped my shock over the random scene of apparent twincest. I quickly walked over to where they were. "Kaoru, are you alright?" I pulled napkin out from the folded piles under my tray and began dabbing at his fingers gently. "You should be more careful, okay?"

He seemed surprised. "Uh, yeah…I'm fine Kyo-chii."

I smiled up at him. "That's good. It would be bad if you got hurt, right Hikaru?" I turned to the other twin. They both looked surprised at the fact that I was caring for one of them. Suddenly, twin smirks appeared on their faces. _Wait, why are they smirking? Oh god no…_

Hikaru cupped my cheek and pulled me closer so that our faces were mere centimetres apart. "Hey, Kyo-koi, why don't you care for me too?" He whispered seductively.

I flushed bright pink. _W-what's with the nickname and the sudden affection? _"Um, well, Kaoru's the one who's hurt…"

Suddenly, I was yanked into a different pair of arms and I found myself almost sitting on Kaoru's lap. "Don't hog her attentions Hikaru," Kaoru smirked down at me and ran a single finger over the exposed skin of my collar. "Besides, I'm the one that's hurt. Right, Kyo-chii?"

"Um, well I…"

"KYAAA!" The girls watching us started screaming. "THEY'RE FIGHTING OVER HER! SHE'S SO LUCKY! THIS IS SO AMAZING! KYAAA!"

I stared at them, and then stared at the twins. They were grinning down at me. I scowled. "Now I see why they call you two the Little Devil types."

They both proceeded to rest their cheeks on my head, sandwiching me between them. "Would you like to see more, Kyo-koi?" The twin that spoke had a deeper voice than the other, and the one that had called me Kyo-koi before had been Hikaru…

"Ahh," one of the girls looked away, jerking me out of my thoughts. I looked over at her curiously. "I can't take it anymore! It's too beautiful!" I blinked at her._ What?_

The other girl turned to her. "That's such a waste!" She whisper-yelled at her friend. "You should take it in carefully! This is a very important scene!" _Again, I'm asking…what?_

Kyoya appeared, totally out of the blue. I stared up at him in confusion. "Exactly, my guests!" His voice had lost the cool tone it'd had before, and was very…host-like. "Just like these cherry blossoms, beauty is such an ephemeral entity. It will always look different each moment of the day."

I stared at him with a blank face. _Talk about dual personalities…is this the same Kyoya I saw before? _

"And so…" he whipped out a photo album with the Hitachiin twin's faces on the cover. "I have made a photo collection that captures all these beautiful scenes that go on every day!" _Never mind, it's still Kyouya. _"By the way, while there's a version for each one of our members, if you buy them all, there is also a special price set!"

"I'll buy them!"

"All of them!"

Kyoya smirked, and then turned to me. "Kyoko, if you get this popular, we might create one for you too."

"No thank you," I replied smartly. I was starting to wonder where he got the pictures from anyway.

"You might also want to move," he said. "You're fuelling their imaginations."

I blinked, and looked down at my position. I was sitting on both the twin's laps, with my butt on Kaoru's and my legs on Hikaru's. Hikaru had an arm resting on my thighs while Kaoru had an arm around my waist. "GAH!" I tried to get off them but, like before, they had a very good grip on me. I could only blush bright pink as I tried to disengage myself from their intimate hug. It also didn't help that my brain seemed to have short-circuited.

Hey, I was not used to being so close to guys!

"Aw, Kyoko-chan is so cute!" One girl cooed.

"I wouldn't mind having an album of her!"

"I'm sure the boys wouldn't mind either!"

My blush only grew darker, until I spotted my saviour. "HARU-CHAN!" I finally managed to leap out of their arms and run towards my cousin.

She stared at me out of wide, curious eyes when I practically dived behind her, and then glanced behind me. "The twins were giving you grief, huh?" She asked sympathetically.

I nodded breathlessly, and folded my arms as I straightened up. We both looked up at the pink canopy of cherry blossoms above us. _You know, it's actually very pretty. And so peaceful too…_

"Haruhi, Kyoko." We turned and stared at the figure of Tamaki. He had his back to us. "What do you think?" He asked in his typical host manner. "Are you enjoying yourselves?"

"Tamaki-senpai," Haruhi looked surprised to see him there. So was I. I thought he was still entertaining the girls. He must have taken a break.

He turned to face us a little bit. "A cherry blossom viewing banquet is not so bad either, right? Indeed, in our case, we're busier being loved than spreading love to others."

Haruhi and I stared at him with matching sweatdrops and expressions. "Is he sparkling?" I wondered aloud.

"Senpai…you're in 'full bloom' in many senses," Haruhi said.

He suddenly pointed at her. "Very well said!" And then he adopted a pose. "Yes, today I am blooming more proudly than anyone!" He winked at us and a tiny heart appeared near his finger. "Are you going to fall for me?"

"He is sparkling," I concluded to myself. I didn't bother answering his question. Apparently, neither did Haruhi. She looked like her opinion of him had just dropped dramatically.

Suddenly, an arm wrapped around my neck and pulled me against a firm surface. Someone grabbed Haruhi's wrist. "Haruhi, Kyoko!" Twin voices said in perfect sync. Would those two ever just leave me alone? Had they not caused me enough pain for the day? "Have you decided on what to take for your elective courses this semester?" Haruhi and I shook hour heads. I was new, so I still hadn't gotten an opportunity to choose yet.

"How about French Conversation?" Kaoru, at least I think it was Kaoru, suggested. His hair was parted to the right. I was going to need more data to tell them apart, I couldn't go by just their hair and voices. They could cover their hair, and when they spoke in unison their voices merged completely.

"Hmm, maybe…" Haruhi murmured. I just shrugged. I was already fluent in French, so that didn't seem like it would be much stress.

"We should just take the same courses," Hikaru said. "Because, you know, we're…"

They turned and smirked evilly in Tamaki's direction. "In the same class!"

A label appeared out of nowhere. **The Friendly Classmate Quartet. **_Where did that come from?_ I wondered. Tamaki was suddenly crouched in front of one of the cherry trees, looking depressed at what he had just witnessed.

I looked around, suddenly realizing that the club was over. _YES! THIS MEANS I CAN FREAKING CHANGE!_ And I was about to, but Hikaru still had a pretty good grip on me.

I squirmed around, only for him to lower his lips to my ear. "Stop struggling, Kyo-koi," he whispered lowly against my ear. "Unless you'll get a punishment game…"

_Uh…what's that? It sounds rather sexual…_ I blushed slightly and scowled up at the twin, just as a random burst of realization struck Tamaki in the form of lightning. I turned to see what he was doing, and saw Kyoya with a whiteboard displaying two pie charts and a box that said _Interactions with Haruhi and Kyoko_.

He tapped the chart labelled _Twins_ with a pointer. "In one day, those four people spend nine hours together on campus," he said. And then he shifted the pointer to the chart labelled _Tamaki_. "However, your interactions with Haruhi and Kyoko are limited to the one to two hour time period in this club." _Why does he have that? _I sweatdropped. "Another way to put it would be that the amount of time you actually take part of Haruhi and Kyoko's daily life is but a mere 3%."

Tamaki started screaming before Kyoya was done. "I don't want to hear it! I don't want to hear it!" He suddenly grabbed my cousin and me by our shoulders. "Haruhi, Kyoko! You should not spend time with those unscrupulous twins anymore!"

"Unscrupulous?"

"I don't want to hear that from you, my lord!"

"But it's true," I pointed out with a smirk. They both stuck their tongues out at me in a very childish display of annoyance and I laughed.

"Oh yeah…" Tamaki reeled back, releasing the two of us, like he had just realized something terrible. "Oh yeah! All faults lie in the fact that Haruhi is hiding her gender as a girl from everyone!" _Didn't you make her do that in the first place?_ I wondered with a blank expression as he continued talking. "You and Kyoko need to return to your normal female student life, get surrounded by your female friends, and have a healthy student lifestyle; that is father's wish!"

Haruhi wore a confused look on her face. "And who is this 'Father'?"

"I was about to ask the same thing," I sweatdropped.

He grabbed Haruhi's shoulders and began shaking her back and forth while yelling. "Revert back! Revert back now!"

"Tamaki, you need to calm down," I said.

"There's no need to hurry," Hikaru said, he and his twin moving in perfect sync. "Besides, they'll find out in the near future."

"Remember, the day after tomorrow is the physical examination," Kaoru reminded us.

Haruhi looked confused. "Physical…examination?"

"What's that?" I asked. "Is it like a doctor's appointment for the students?"

"Sort of," Hikaru and Kaoru said together. "They just check your body measurements, weight and other basic things."

There was a sort of stunned silence as everyone stared at Haruhi, excluding Kyoya. "Oh yeah," he said nonchalantly, consulting his notebook. "It's in two days."

I glared at the Shadow King. "And you didn't warn us about this, why?"

"I didn't think it was important." _YOU DIDN'T THINK IT WAS WHAT?! …You know what, never mind._

"Then…" Haruhi lifted her index finger. "They really will find out…" she placed it against her cheek. "…that I'm a girl…" The entire host club looked stunned by this new revelation. _I wonder what's going to happen now._

* * *

oOo

* * *

Hikaru, Honey and I were watching Tamaki. The blonde had a stupid grin on his face and he was reclining on a chair. He was obviously daydreaming. "I wonder what he's thinking about," I said aloud. Haruhi wasn't here yet. She'd told me she was making a quick detour to the library, so I had to come alone and this was the scene I met.

"Looks like Tama-chan is enjoying himself!" Honey said, clinging to my back. I loved the blonde so much, so I had sort of adopted him and become his personal piggyback-ride whenever Mori wasn't there, which was rare but it still happened occasionally. Besides, Honey said that my hair smelled like berries and warm milk, which was why he usually fell asleep on my back.

"Actually, he's pretty sad in my mind," Hikaru muttered beside me. Tamaki's eyes flew open at that.

"Don't be jealous, Hikaru!" He jumped up, and the background turned to sparkles and roses. I blinked. _How does that happen? _"I knew all along that this would happen! Even without all your jealousies, I saw this result from the very beginning!" I cocked my head to the side as he twirled around so he wasn't facing us. "Yes! This anime is a school love comedy to begin with! Haruhi and I are the main characters of this love comedy!"

All I could think of after he said that was, _HE DECIMATED THE FOURTH WALL!_ Don't look at me like that, I have some slight otaku tendencies. "And what are we?" The twins asked.

Tamaki spun around and pointed at the rest of the host club. The background turned pink with hearts and the word _homo_ repeated over and over. "Obviously you two are homo side characters!" I blinked as he drew a line between him and us with a random stick. His side had pink hearts floating around him while ours was dark. "So don't cross this line."

"This is pissing us off a bit," the twins said.

"This is pissing _me _off _a lot_," I scowled.

"And besides…" Hikaru started, with a serious look on his face.

"…do you really understand, my lord?" Kaoru finished.

"If they find out that Haru-chan is a girl, she won't be able to stay at the host club anymore!" Honey said. I frowned and looked over at him. _Well, that's pretty obvious…_ I thought, but then I looked at Tamaki and it was apparent that this was the first time that had occurred to him. I sweatdropped. _He is such an idiot… _

"And if Haruhi leaves, then Kyoko will leave, right?" Kaoru looked over at me and I nodded.

"Yeah, I'm only here because of Haruhi," I shrugged gently so as not to disturb Honey.

"But if Haru-chan wears girl's clothing, she'd look more and more cuter!" Honey beamed.

"In junior high she walked around in girl's clothing normally," Hikaru grinned. "So she must have been popular with the guys, huh?"

"Yes, according to my investigations, she usually received a confession from someone about once every month," his gaze slid over to me. "Kyoko here lived in England during that time, and they don't do that there. However, she was very popular among guys and was asked out a lot." I scowled at him, in spite of the very red blush on my cheeks. _I know I said I wouldn't ask this, anymore, but why does he know this?_

"Ahh, then our lord won't be able to get close to them anymore," Kaoru said. Then he shrugged. "Well, we don't mind since we're in the same class they are."

Tamaki snapped out of his catatonic state. "How can that be!?"

The door opened and Haruhi stuck her head in. "Sorry I'm late!" _Where have you been? How dare you leave me alone with these people?_

Tamaki suddenly grabbed her by the shoulders, he did that a lot I noticed. "Don't worry Haruhi! At tomorrow's physical examination, your secret about being a girl will be protected by us. So please stay as one of our very own princesses."

Haruhi blinked several times. "Say what?"

"I'm confused too," I carefully handed Honey to Mori and walked over to stand beside her. I gently extracted her from Tamaki's grip and folded my arms over my chest. "Would it really be so bad?"

The twin's shrugged and looked at each other. "It's true that we'd find it irritating if other guys spoke with you and Haruhi," Hikaru said.

"What is with this sudden possessive claim?" I muttered.

"Then it's settled!" Kaoru said, totally ignoring me.

A whiteboard appeared suddenly with the words _The Great Strategic Plan To Hide Haruhi's Gender! _Otherwise known as Operation _Haru-chan Is Absolutely a Guy!_ I stared at the whiteboard that the rest o the club was gathered around. _Where does this stuff come from?_ I wondered, not for the first time.

"Well then, fellow team members," Tamaki pointed to the board. "Please reconfirm your positioning in formation A for tomorrow's physical examination!"

"Yes sir!" The twins saluted.

Haruhi looked confused as to what all the fuss was about. "I see!" She said suddenly, and I looked over at her curiously. "If they find out, I won't be able to stay as a host, so I won't be able to repay my debt!"

"That's true," I nodded. "Although I bet only Kyoya is really concerned about your debt."

She nodded and then stared calculating. "The amount remaining that I have to repay is 5, 333, 332 yen…" she muttered.

"Ooh, that's still a lot," I frowned.

"Well," she shrugged. "I'll think of some other method!"

"And I'll help you," I beamed at her and looped my arm through hers. "You know I've always got your back, Haruhi!" And then we laughed together.

"Captain!" The twins yelled at Tamaki. "The target herself has no will to do this at all! And Kyoko is with her all the way!"

"What an uncooperative heroine…" he glared angrily in our direction. He pointed a finger at us. "Do you hate being a host that much?! Do you hate this club that much?!"

"Well, if I had to decide, yeah," Haruhi replied with absolutely no remorse, which drove Tamaki into an impressive-looking emo corner. "But, you really can't do anything about it if they find out I'm a girl!"

"And I'm only here because this was the only way to help of Haruhi," I shrugged and put one hand on my hip. "The second she leaves, I'm out too."

"What a way to decrease our motivation," Hikaru said.

"What we should take care of first is this lack of drive in both of them," Kaoru said.

Mori put a hand to his chin. Something flashed like lightning near his eyes. "Ootoro."

Haruhi and I froze and a picture of the delicious, gourmet fish appeared in our minds. "Oh yeah…" Tamaki said from his corner. "At our last dance party…" he turned to us with a creepy-ass smile on his face. "You didn't get to eat any, right? And Kyo-chii wasn't around at all."

"Did you know?" The twins mocked us. "Those people there never had a taste of ootoro before?"

"Oh my, what a pitiful upbringing!" Kaoru said. _That's rude, but…ootoro~~~_

"You'd be able to eat all kinds of delicious foods if you stay in this club," Honey said.

_Well, the Loli-shota said it, and he mentioned food. _I shrugged and smiled a bit. _I'm in!_ I looked over at Haruhi as she began to furiously try to deny that she wasn't in as well, but I could tell by the smiles on their faces that they weren't falling for it.

"I'm not that gluttonous of a…" she stopped. She had finally realized that her case was a lost cause. "Will I really be able to eat some?"

I laughed as the rest of the host club beamed at us with hearts floating their heads. _Great, we're in. Now, I wonder what this plan is going to be about…I wasn't paying attention when Tamaki was describing it._

oOo

"_Physical examinations shall begin now,_" the voice over the school intercom said. "_All students, please proceed to your respective nurse's office according to your dormitory._"

Haruhi looked at the twins. I was walking between them, a little behind them, while Haruhi was beside Hikaru. "What's formation A in our plan? And exactly what do you do for the physical examination at Ouran?"

"A physical examination is the same anywhere," Hikaru said, looking at her.

"It's kind of bad if there's a difference in this kind of stuff between rich people and poor people, no?" Kaoru said.

I frowned at Kaoru and put both of my hands behind my head as we walked. "I get the feeling that your definition of 'poor' is anyone who can't afford to have pure water flown in from the Swiss Alps." The twins smirked at me, but didn't say anything. "Silence means yes."

Haruhi nodded, apparently still considering Kaoru's words. "I see," she smiled as we drew up to the door. "Yeah, you're right." She opened the door.

"Welcome!" About a hundred or so male doctors were lined on one side, and an equal number of female nurses were lined on the other side. Between them was a red carpet and there were small tent-like structures behind them.

_WHAT THE HELL?! _Haruhi and I wore matching looks of stunned confusion. "Wh-what…is this?" She asked.

Hikaru walked past her like there was absolutely nothing out of the ordinary going on. "Like we said, a physical examination."

"A normal one," Kaoru added, following his brother inside.

"Normal?!" Haruhi and I echoed. We followed them inside as well.

"Hitachiin brothers." The two were greeted by two nurses. "Please come over here to measure your height."

"Yes ma'am!"

I sweatdropped. "This is by far the most pretentious doctor's check up I have ever seen."

"I couldn't agree more with you, Kyoko-chan," Haruhi muttered.

"Fuijioka-sama," a nurse appeared at her elbow. "I'll be accompanying you."

"Okay…can Kyoko-chan come?" She asked.

The nurse frowned. "I realize that you are relations, but males and females cannot be checked in the same booth. Now, please come this way," she began to pull my cousin away quickly. I followed behind them at a more sedate pace, until I heard girls whispering.

"Why are Honey-senpai and Mori-senpai dressed like this? I'm sure there's an explanation." I wanted to facepalm. Honey and Mori were dressed in lab coats and wearing round glasses. Despite their disguises, it was so obvious it was them. "Let's just stay quiet."

They saw Haruhi and me staring at them and made a shushing motion with their fingers. Haruhi sweatdropped. "It's so glaringly obvious," she said aloud.

"Thos two are there in case of an emergency," Kyoya said, appearing behind us.

"And what's the point in their disguise?" I asked. "Since it's kind of obvious it's them."

Kyoya smiled at me. "Just helping us create the atmosphere," he pushed his glasses up with two fingers so that the glass gleamed like some evil genius, which might not be too far off. "Don't you think that making things look like a real plan heats things up?"

I wandered off after that, since Haruhi had companionship now. Granted it was the Shadow King himself, but if there was anyone who could prevent Haruhi-s gender being discovered, it was Kyoya. He was awesome that way. Terrifying, but awesome anyway.

Besides, I still had to find a nurse to do my physical exam.


	3. Chapter 3

**I'd like to thank: Clockwork's Apprentice, Electroholic, Ezzy99 and Starz for reviewing. And now, my lovely otakus, onto the story! **

**I don't own OHSHC**

**Be Careful With Physical Examinations 2**

Somehow, while I was wandering up and down, I passed by the booth that Hikaru and Kaoru were in. It was surrounded by about a dozen fangirls. "Hitachiin-sama." I paused and turned, curious about the huge crowd. "Please come here for your chest measurements." I could practically sense the excitement of all the girls. "Please take off your clothing behind those curtains." _Ah, now I see why they're so excited._

"That won't be necessary," Hikaru said, shrugging off his uniform shirt to my surprise.

Kaoru followed suit. "Even without curtains…"

_Well then…_ I, along with more than a dozen other girls, stared at the Hitachiin brothers as they posed in all their half-naked glory. I could see why the girls were screaming. They were both pretty hot. What I didn't get was why the girls were waving handkerchiefs and practically climbing over each other in their excitement.

As I was about to turn away, they started another one of their twincest acts. "This is intolerable…" Hikaru said, his voice taking on a possessive tone. "Having others touch your body just because they're doctors…"

"What are you saying?" Kaoru smiled. "We're always playing the doctor game back at home…" he said. "…and you always played with my body to the fullest…"

_I am so not okay with this!_ I thought as the girls around me erupted into another round of squealing. But, I couldn't help think it was kind of hot. Not the twincest, because I am so against that. I mean, it's illegal pretty much everywhere!

I mean the possessive tone Hikaru got when he talked like that. I thought it was really sexy, the way his voice sounded all deep and… WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?! I shook my head several times to dislodge the thought, and something rushed past me like a miniature hurricane. Or the host club kidnapping someone. You know, the two feel kind of the same.

Before I could continue my search for a nurse, one of the twins spotted me and grabbed my hand. "Hey, Kyo-koi," Hikaru smirked down at me and yanked me closer against his bare chest. "Aren't you going to do your own physical exam?"

I blushed bright red, and felt my voice take on a breathless, shy tone. "I was just about to find a nurse to do it…"

"No need." Now Kaoru was behind me, his hands at my waist. I looked up, my head swivelling from side to side to look at the two of them. The bright red blush on my face could probably be seen by airplanes flying 2000 ft in the air. He smiled seductively. "You can do it with us."

About a thousand squeals rose up at those words. _Oh my gosh, first twincest, yaoi and now threesomes? Are these girls weird or what? _"Girls and guys can't be together!" I remembered what the nurse had said earlier with some relief. "And your fangirls might kill me."

The twins pouted at me, and then hugged me between them. "Don't worry, Kyo-chi," they murmured and smiled down at me with…wait, _tenderness!? _What sort of magical acting was this? "We'll protect you."

It got the point across. The girls started screaming something about _love triangle_ and I sank down, feeling like my soul was about to leave my body. The twins grinned above me, clearly pleased with themselves. I glared up at them darkly. "You have about three seconds to start running before I kill the two of you."

"Ah, but you wouldn't do that to your lovers," Hikaru knelt beside me.

"Right, Kyo-chi?" Kaoru knelt on my other side. As I was about to deny their claim vehemently, their attention was arrested by something else. Instead, they were crying with laughter at something behind me. Confused, I turned around, and my mouth fell open. _Is that…Tamaki-senpai? Why is he dressed like Haruhi?_ I sweatdropped. _Don't tell me, this was the plan? _

Two words: Epic. Fail.

"He really did it!" Hikaru was clutching his stomach with the force of his laughter.

Kaoru was pounding the ground with a fist and both of their eyes were squeezed shut. "Of course they'll know! Of course they'll know!"

I stared at them blankly when Tamaki began strangling Hikaru. "You two said they'd never find out this way!"

"This is just a little revenge for calling us the homo characters!" Hikaru replied between laughter. I peered into the booth behind Tamaki and saw Haruhi flopped on the ground.

"Haruhi, the plan failed," I told her.

Tamaki peeked his head in above mine. "Sorry Haruhi, they found out."

She turned and gave us her evil glare. I didn't flinch, but Tamaki reeled backwards, turned white and began to disintegrate before my eyes.

Kyoya placed a hand on Haruhi's shoulder. "He's a person that can only live in a relaxed world to begin with." Haruhi looked up at him. "Now then, Haruhi, I've arranged for a special male student doctor in another room and asked her to keep a secret."

The twins were suddenly beside me, suddenly fully dressed. "All the doctors that are here today are from Kyoya-senpai's hospital, apparently," Hikaru said. I noticed that he was usually the one to start talking before Kaoru.

They both lifted their hands. "He could've told us in the first place," Kaoru said.

Kyoya smiled. "It's the same as you two, I'm also getting a little revenge for being called a homo character!"

I let the flap of the booth go and sighed. "Yeah, I'm going to go find someone to do my exam since no one here wants to be serious right now. And _no_, I don't want to do it with you two!" I snapped when Hikaru and Kaoru opened their mouths to ask. They pouted simultaneously as I walked away.

I eventually found a nurse who finally did my exam. It only took about fifteen minutes, mostly because I didn't freak out like the rest of the girls and demand that they repeat the measurements of my waist and chest.

It was very awkward measuring my chest, especially since the nurse I had was really chatty and wouldn't stop going on about what nice breasts I had and how she had a son she wouldn't mind introducing me to. I was so glad when it was over.

As soon as I was done, I went to find the rest of the club in the Male Student Nurse's office to see how Haruhi was doing. When I got there, a shirtless Tamaki was kneeling in front of a scruffy looking man on the ground. Haruhi was only in her camisole and what I assume was Tamaki's shirt, and there was a huge crack in the wall behind the man.

I blinked, and then I sighed and folded my arms across my chest. "Alright, what the heck happened?" I glanced at the man on the ground. "Who's that?"

"We thought this man was a pervert, but it turned out he was just looking for his daughter at the wrong school," Kyoya informed me.

"We were about to kill him when we found him with Haruhi," Hikaru shrugged. "Then he explained."

"I'm glad you weren't with her, Kyo-chan," Kaoru draped an arm over my shoulder while Hikaru took my waist.

"It would be bad if any other man got to see your lovely virgin skin before us," they teased. I lifted both hands and shoved them away. I had just been half-naked in front of a super-chatty nurse. I was not in the mood for their perverted jokes.

I noticed that Tamaki looked uncharacteristically serious as he gazed at the person. "Kyoya, prepare a map with directions to the public high school in the neighbouring town for this person."

I stared at Tamaki, surprised. Kyoya smiled, like he had expected that kind of response. "Very well."

We watched the man walk down the path with cherry blossoms on either side. "You sure this is fine?" Hikaru asked.

"Because…even if they met, he's still given up on by his daughter," Kaoru pointed out.

Tamaki's face still held that seriousness from before, and a hint of sadness. "That's something for him to ascertain himself."

Haruhi and I's eyes widened. I gazed up at Tamaki with new respect. That was something that I never thought he would say. It was so uncharacteristically wise and deep that I was actually impressed by his insight, and I could tell Haruhi was as well. "Excuse me, everybody," Haruhi said. "Could you guys get out please?"

The host club turned to her with surprised looks on their faces. I didn't, because I knew my cousin too well to know that she wouldn't do what they were expecting. "Haruhi!" Tamaki looked nervous and contrite. "Are you still angry at me? Don't tell me you're going to quit the host club?!"

_Tamaki really cares about my cousin,_ I smiled to myself. Haruhi smiled at me. "I have to finish my physical examination, right?" She turned to face them. "As a male student." They started smiling, except Tamaki who looked kind of confused. "Ah," she continued. "But I'm not doing this because of the food, but because I want to repay my debt!"

Tamaki's face went red. And then he leaped and glomped her and my cousin screamed because she was still only in an undershirt and her bra and who wants to get glomped by an overly excited Tamaki? "Haruhi, you're too cute! You really just want to eat ootoro, but that part of you that's hiding this fact is…kind of awesome!"

"Please stop it! Ahh, don't touch those places!"

"TAMAKI, I WILL KILL YOU!" I yelled, fire burning in my eyes. To think that I thought he was deep!

"Give him the red card!" The twins said in unison.

"This guy's…"

"…the real pervert!"

"Look who's talking?" I screamed at them.

"Ah, you know you love us Kyo-koi!"

"Who cares, just…GET OUT!" Haruhi yelled.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi everyone, I wanna say thank you for all the reviews I've gotten, and the criticism too. I'm going to work hard to make this story better, okay? Thank you and enjoy the chapter!**

**I do not own OHSHC, because I am not that epic. **

**More Madness**

First it was the kimono-like dress, and now they had somehow coerced me into wearing an _actual_ kimono. I couldn't go on like this.

My kimono was pale pink, and it tied with a darker blue bo-sash around my waist that matched my eyes. It went down to my ankles. My hair was out of its usual pigtails and it braided into a single, long braid that had been woven with blue flowers and hung over one shoulder.

I scowled at my image in the reflective surface of the window. If not for Haruhi, I would never subject myself to this. Not the cosplaying, because that wasn't so bad once you got used to it.

"Tamaki-kun, why are you so beautiful?"

"So that I can stay in your eyes every second I can."

"Why is your voice so mellow?"

"So that my feelings can reach the depths of your heart."

"Why are you looking at me with such watery eyes?"

"So that your fresh smiling face may flood the fountain of my heart!"

_Oh brother, _I rolled my eyes as they began to squeal and fangirl over him. Yeah, it was that. I really didn't understand how I hadn't lost a bunch of brain cells listening to that sort of mindless crap every day for about two hours at a stretch.

I pushed a strand of my hair out of my eyes and turned away from Tamaki and his customers. I pushed the teacart in front of me and trailed round the room for a few seconds, refilling teacups and serving cakes until I caught sight of a pair of auburn haired twin devils that I had been trying to avoid since the scene before. This was made very difficult by the fact that we were all in the same class.

They were entertaining two girls. I noticed that their kimonos were loose, so I could see a little of their chests. My mind flashed back to the exam when they had taken off their shirts and pretty much cornered me between themselves. I flushed darkly and turned away. "Ah, you two did wear the same kimonos after all!"

"All the kimonos you see today were designed by our mother," I heard Hikaru say. I was getting better at telling them apart, if only by their voices and their hair parts. "If you wish, we're taking orders right now."

Kaoru smiled at the girls. "Our grandmother was the one who put them on for us, though."

_I'm also getting far too used to their brotherly-love acts,_ I thought with a sweatdrop as Hikaru cupped his twin's chin and pulled his face closer to his. "And of course, it's my duty to take them off, right Kaoru?"

"Hikaru…" he teared up slightly. I gazed at Kaoru blankly. _He freaking teared up. It's adorable, but also a very weird_. "Saying that in front of everyone…makes me embarrassed…" _It should. Good for you._ I turned away again, as the girls began to fangirl over them.

"Please let us see!" They screamed and began wriggling on their seats like they could barely contain themselves. "We must, as ladies!" _No, you must as high-class female perverts._

I facepalmed, and Haruhi folded her arm beside me. "Fooling around again…"

"Tell me about it," I muttered back, and then I was casually bumped away by two Haruhi fangirls.

"Haruhi-kun! Your kimono look is cute too!" The first one squealed as I picked myself up and glared at their backs.

"You look just like a girl!" The other one beamed. _Maybe because she _is_ a girl, _I wondered how people hadn't figured it out by now that Haruhi was actually a girl, I mean, it was a bit obvious. Or maybe it was only obvious to me because I already knew her.

"Haruhi, you've got designations." We looked over at Kyouya. He was kneeling on a tatami mat beside a beautifully painted screen, and writing something in his notebook. "Lately your flow of designations has become steady hasn't it? Keep it up," he looked over at us with a smile. "And with Kyoko helping you, you're repaying your debt back faster. I don't intend on asking the two of you for the interest that was supposed to be included also, so work hard to make the money."

"You don't intend on asking us for interest?" I said, more to myself than anyone else. "Is this Kyouya-senpai's way of saying that he likes us?"

"Who knows?" Haruhi replied, overhearing what I had said.

The background behind him suddenly had roses and sparkles and he smiled even more. "Do not take lightly the rental fee for that kimono either, eh?"

Haruhi and I wore the same expression of blank irritation. "Never mind, Kyouya-senpai's still the same," I said.

"Kyouya-sama," the two girls turned to the dark haired host with eyes that sparkled with admiration. "Your kimono look is so wonderful! Is the new photo collection for the host club not coming out yet?"

He smiled charmingly at them, completely changing personalities once again. "Unfortunately, there are no plans for that," he said. Two heads of auburn hair poked out from behind the screen behind him, glaring at him and startling me. I immediately shifted sides so I wasn't standing so close to the screen, and therefore so close to them.

"Isn't this club getting filthy rich…" Hikaru started.

"…from our merchandise?" Kaoru finished.

Kyouya picked up some blurry looking snapshots of what I assumed were of the host club members. "Well the merchandise itself is pathetic. While we call it a photo collection, they're nothing more that photos secretly taken by amateurs," Kyouya's glasses flashed as he pushed them up the bridge of his nose. "In order for us to secure even more club funds from the academy's budget, I must develop merchandise much higher in quality."

"Hmm," I stared at Kyouya with a little admiration as the twins slowly shrank behind the screen. "He's really efficient when it comes to this sort of stuff."

"Haru-chan, Haru-chan!" I turned, and refrained from squealing. Standing in front of me was Honey-senpai dressed in a pink-ish orange and green kimono. He looked so adorable, but he was crying. WHY WAS MY LOLI-SHOTA CRYING!? And why did everyone seemed to have turned on the waterworks around here? Except Kyouya-senpai, because that would just look weird. "I lost one of my zouri!"

"Weren't you wearing them just now?" My cousin asked, coming closer to him.

"I'll help you look," I offered, and he rubbed the tears from his eyes.

"Mitsukini," Mori appeared and lifted the loli-shota's feet and slipped on the missing zouri.

Honey gazed down at his cousin out of teary eyes. "Takashi!" He jumped into his arms and the two embraced. I had to admit, that was just so beautiful and cute. I glanced at Haruhi's face and saw that she did not get it at all.

"Tear shedding acts sure are popular," she muttered as we walked past.

I nodded, following her. "How is everyone crying so easily anyway?" Suddenly, I bumped into one of the twins. "Ah, sorry!"

"It's alright," he smiled at me and draped an arm around my shoulder. I could tell by the voice that it was Kaoru. Good. If I had to be with a twin, I'd prefer if it were the lesser of the two evils. And then Hikaru appeared on my other side and wrapped an arm around my waist. _Dammit._

"We missed you, Kyo-koi!" He smiled down at me.

"Have you been avoiding us?" They asked simultaneously.

"What? No!" I denied, even though that was exactly what I had been doing.

"Mmm," they leaned closer until their faces were right in front of mine. "Are you lying to us?" Hikaru hummed.

"Because if you are…" Kaoru started.

"…you might get a punishment game," Hikaru smirked. I groaned under my breath, and then noticed something on the floor. It must have fallen out of his kimono. _Wait, are those…eyedrops? Are you freaking kidding me? _

Haruhi picked it up, and looked partly annoyed, and partly exasperated. "Are you kidding me?" She asked, echoing my thoughts.

"Well that explains so much," I murmured, folding my arms across my chest between the twins. I was glad that they had been distracted from harassing me. My brain could not handle the twin-hotness and the act of simultaneous love. I guess that's why they're so popular.

"Let me say this first," Kaoru smirked from my side. "Eyedrops are a common practice in host clubs."

"Women are suckers for tearful eyes," Hikaru grinned smugly from my other side.

Neither of us was impressed. "That sounds so cheap!" Haruhi said, and I nodded.

"Don't be so strict now!" Hikaru removed his arm over my shoulders and placed it on Haruhi's shoulders. He poked her cheek.

"Here, Haruhi," Kaoru reached for something inside his kimono: a beautifully wrapped Japanese sweet. "I'll give this to you!" He smiled at me and handed me one too. "Kyo-chan can have one as well, since she's our toy."

Haruhi and I stared at our treats. "For us?" I asked in a small voice, feeling awed at the simple beauty of the present.

"You're giving it to me?" Haruhi asked in that indirectly cute way she has of existing sometimes.

"Aw, how cute!" They chorused.

Suddenly, two girls with pink hearts surrounding them attacked my cousin. _Hey, we were having a moment here!_ "Haruhi-kun, you like Japanese sweets?"

"No, not sweet things in general…" she replied. Because _he_ is a _she_, and sooner or later all of those girls were going to find out that they had been fangirling over another girl, and their minds were going to explode and they were going to realise that they had been an indirect lesbians, and some of them may even actually become lesbians because of my cousin.

I snickered under my breath at the warped image in my mind.

"…but I thought this might be a good thing to offer on my mother's memento," she smiled. And that just made me love my cousin more, and simultaneously feel like a bad person because I was about five seconds away from eating it. I slowly slipped the sweet into my pocket, just as Tamaki swirled up to us.

"Oh, how noble of you!" He cried. I watched in amusement as he suddenly began to load my cousin up with more sweets. "Here Haruhi, take as many as you want." I snickered some more at the look on my cousin's face, and clapped along with the others.

"Are those tears fake as well?" Haruhi deadpanned.

"What are you saying?" He whirled away. "My tears are always true and authentic! A true host can always shed a tear without resorting to eyedrops!" And with that, he shed a tear. Awesome. No one else seemed to share his enthusiasm for his ability. "What do you think? Impressed? Fell for me once again?"

"Not really," Haruhi replied coolly.

Tamaki pouted and turned to me. "Have _you_ fallen for me, Kyoko-chan?" He winked at me. I sweatdropped.

"Uh…no?" I replied.

"Of course she hasn't," the twins hugged me rather possessively. "Kyo-chii loves us, right toy?"

"I am not your toy!"

`Tamaki frowned, oddly deciding not to freak out over the twins and I. "Somehow my charn doesn't work on you or Haruhi," his hand went to his chin. "Maybe I should change my character a bit…" he struck a pose, whipping his kimono around him like a cape. As he did that, Haruhi and I caught sight of someone at the door.

There was a girl, half-hidden by the doorframe, peering into the room. I nudged Hikaru gently in the side and nodded towards the door. "I think there's someone here," I said.

"Huh?" He and Kaoru looked over and spotted the girl as well. "Oh, aren't you a new face, our humble guest?" The twins called out. She only cowered back further, apparently nervous. She _should be nervous, _I thought to myself. The twins released me and slid up to the door, holding out roses to the girl.

"What's wrong? Come on in," Kaoru said, holding out his rose to her.

"Just watching is boring," Hikaru smiled.

"Come," they said together. _No, don't come. Run as fast as physically possible away from this place. Do not be sucked into this madness. Save yourself!_

Tamaki popped up, startling her. "Now then, I've always told you guys to be courteous to first-timers," he scolded them. He smiled charmingly at the girl and held out a hand. "Come, do not be afraid, princess," she cowered back further, and he only leaned closer. Talk about someone who does not understand the meaning of boundaries and personal space. "Welcome to the Ouran Host Club."

Her chin lowered. "N-"

"N-?" Tamaki repeated in a seductive tone.

She suddenly shoved him away while freaking out. "NO! Don't touch me you phony!"

Everyone looked stunned by this random display of violence. Most of all, Tamaki. He staggered back to his feet, clutching his face where she had hit him."Me…a phoney?"

She pointed at him. "Yes, you're a phony! I won't believe that you are like the prince of this club!" As she was talking, Tamaki was staggering backwards in shock at her words. I guess he wasn't used to being so blatantly insulted by girls.

I sighed and folded my arms across my chest as the twins slid away from the scene and reappeared beside me again. _And thus, more craziness arrives. _

"A prince character does not spread his love so easily! Why do you look so much like a fool?" The girl was still going strong with the insults she was flinging, and she still wasn't done. I was beginning to feel sorry for Tamaki. "It's like you're just a dumb narcissist! Incompetent! Commoner! The worst!"

With every insult, an arrow displaying the word hit Tamaki. And then lightning struck him. "No!" He began to fall over in slow motion.

"Whoa, is that a new technique?" I wasn't paying attention to which twin was talking, I was just watching Tamaki defy the laws of gravity.

"Solo slow motion!"

Kyouya was staring at her with one hand on his chin and a contemplative look on his face. "Could you be…?"

Suddenly, she beamed like she had just seen something ultimately priceless. "Kyouya-sama!" She ran towards him, using Tamaki's fallen body as a springboard, and launching herself at Kyouya.

To be honest, I think she expected him to put his arms around her, or at least be happy to see her. I could have told her not to hold her breath, but I didn't. As a result, it was a really funny scene to watch. Kyouya simply stared down at her blankly while she hugged him around his chest.

"I wanted to see you so dearly…" she murmured into his chest. "…the prince just for me."

"Well this is going to be interesting to see," I stared at the two.

* * *

oOo

* * *

"Fiancée?" Hikaru asked.

"Kyouya-senpai's?" Kaoru looked sceptical.

"Yes!" Renge smiled at us from the couch opposite ours. She looked much more normal when she was sitting down and not insulting Tamaki or freaking out over Kyouya. "My name is Houshakuji Renge. I shall be transferring to class 1-A starting tomorrow!"

"So, you're in our class?" I asked, and she nodded at me. I looked over at Tamaki, who was sitting in a shadowy corner and looking depressed. "Well, he seems upset."

"Because mommy hid a secret from daddy," Kaoru explained.

"Wait, what?" I looked from twin to twin. "Who's mommy?" I asked.

Kyouya spoke then, and he sounded exasperated. "Whatever you say, but do you guys really plan on establishing that husband and wife setting?"

I stared at him, and then it took a lot of self-control to not burst into loud spurts of laughter. Alright, I'll admit, I giggled a little bit, but you can't blame me! they had made Kyouya feminine! That was too funny of an offer to pass up.

Kyouya shot me one of his sinister flashing-glasses glares and I sobered up quickly. "Sorry, Kyouya-senpai."

Renge suddenly popped up in front of us, her hands at her cheeks and she had a lovesick expression on her face. She was swaying from side to side like she was hyper or something. "It was quite the love at first sight experience!" She squealed. "How he showed loving affection to flowers in the backyard that no one would look at…"

"Who is she talking about?" I cocked my head to the side and looked at my cousin.

"…And how he gently reached out his hand to the injured little kitty…"

Kyouya had never struck me as a cat person. Or maybe he could have one, one of those evil-looking, fluffy ones that bad guys in movies have.

The twins slid in front of her with matching confused expressions on their faces. "Who's this person?"

"Did you take him for the wrong person?" Haruhi asked with an innocent smile.

"No!" Renge yelled. "My eyes cannot be wrong!" She went back into her strange fantasy of what she thought Kyouya's character was like. "A person that is so nice to others and never asks for anything in return, a person who loves solidarity but is really a loner."

"No, seriously, who is she talking about?" I saw that her words had driven the twins into a confused frenzy. They had no idea who she was talking about. The person she was describing was clearly not the Kyouya we knew.

"From the love simulation game that makes your heart throb," she continued. "Ukidoki Memorial," she suddenly pointed at Kyouya with solid determination. "Ichijo Miyabi: you look exactly like him!"

There was silence for a moment while we processed her words. "What. The. Hell?" I finally asked.

"Uki?" Haruhi blinked, there was a pink backdrop of question marks behind her.

"Doki?" Honey looked confused. And then we all understood.

"Otaku!" Tamaki screamed.

"She's an otaku!" Hikaru yelled.

"This is the first time I've seen one!" Kaoru looked stunned. Actually, everyone looked stunned. Except Haruhi, Mori, Honey and I. And, of course, the Shadow King himself. He looked quite composed actually, much like he always did.

He put his hand to his chin. "I see. She's the type that goes 'moe' over a character. By setting her moe character onto me, she's fantasized to the extent of fiancée." After he said that, I kind of felt awkward because I have fantasized about a lot of anime characters. I looked over at Renge, who was running around the room. She had managed to paint the background with hearts for eyes and squealing loudly. "This Miyabi must be an eyeglass character."

"Wait, fantasize?" Tamaki came out of his depressed state to stare at Kyouya. "So this thing about her being your fiancée is…"

"I don't recall ever confirming that," Kyouya said nonchalantly. He folded his arms across his chest and appeared to think about something. "To start with, today's the first time I've met her."

I facepalmed. _Then why didn't you tell us that ages ago?_

Renge stopped running around and came to sit beside Kyouya. Her eyes were shining excitedly, like a little kid in the presence of candy. I sighed and sat down on the couch opposite them, only to be squashed on either side by the twins. I was getting too used to their constant invasion of my personal space.

"According to my report Kyouya-sama, you manage every aspect of this club, right?"

"That's right!" Honey beamed from Mori's shoulders. "Kyo-chan is the boss!"

"The boss!" She looked ecstatic. "That's so fitting of you!" The background developed pink sparkles and a rose border. _How does that even happen? _I wondered. "My dream has always been to be the mascot girl for a store!"

The twins and I stared at her blankly. "This isn't a store," I pointed out.

"We don't need one," the twins said simultaneously. "We're a host club…"

She suddenly twirled. "I have decided!" She smirked. "I shall become the manager of this host club!"

"She's not listening, is she?" I sweatdropped. The twins sighed and draped their arms across the back of the chair. I tensed a little bit at the sudden move, and then relaxed.

I overheard Kyouya asking Tamaki to be gracious and courteous to her because she was the daughter of one of the Ootori's business partners or something. Whatever the case, Tamaki didn't seem too happy with it. Renge smiled innocently. "I look forward to working with all of you!"

_Well, she seems nice enough, _I thought. _What could possibly go wrong?_


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi my fellow otakus and anime lovers! I don't own OHSHC.**

**In other news, HAPPY ALMOST 16th BDAY TO MY ANIME GIRL ANNA! Hope you have an awesome day and you;re happy! If you;re not happy, I'll hunt down whoever made you unhappy and hurt them! :)**

**Now story time!**

**The Hostess is a Star**

I came in a little later than usual the next morning, because I had stopped by the library to pick up a note for one of the teachers. When I finally made it to the host club, Renge had snakes in her hair, and she was chasing Honey and Mori around the room while fire burned in the background.

I watched the scene for about fifteen seconds, before wandering over to Haruhi. "Do I even want to know?" I asked.

"Probably not," she said. Haruhi held up a bag of some slightly burned, but overall not bad-looking cookies. "On another note, Renge made us some cookies."

"Ooh, chocolate chip?" Haruhi and I took a cookie each and bit into them. "It has a good odour," Haruhi pronounced. "And it's not that bad."

"Mmm, you're right," I decided, popping the cookie into my mouth and taking another one. "Renge made these? She should have used less sugar and more chocolate chips. But otherwise, it's a pretty good batch."

I didn't see the twins scheming behind us. If I had, I would have been much more wary of eating the cookies. I picked up another cookie, just as someone turned me around and gripped my chin, tilting my head up. My cookie was pulled out of my fngers and pushed between my lips.

"Mmph!" I squeaked, and then I came face to face with none other than Hikaru Hitachiin. _What is that evil twin planning? _

He smirked and leaned down, never breaking eye contact with me. "So it's good?" He whispered seductively, his lips nearing mine. "Let me see," he said, and then he slowly bit off the other end of my cookie.

My face flamed, and I backed away from him, and turned in time to see Kaoru lick some stray crumbs off Haruhi's cheek. I shoved away the worst of my embarrassment and glared furiously at Kaoru. "STEP AWAY FROM MY COUSIN YOU PERVERT!"

I wasn't the only one freaking out, Tamaki had come out of his emo corner just to panic and point and whine about us to Kyoya. I immediately calmed down because, in situations like that, I didn't want to be likened to Tamaki. We already had one drama queen (or king) and we didn't need another.

Kyouya stared at the four of us with his usual blank apathy. "And the friendly classmate quartet has appeared again."

"You know," Haruhi rubbed her cheek as she turned to Kaoru. "I can take it off myself if you tell me."

I nodded, and decided to act calm just to mess with Tamaki. "Yeah, and if you want some," I told Hikaru. "There are still more cookies in the bag."

"Y-Y-YOUR REACTION IS WRONG!" Tamaki yelled, grabbing the two of us. "THIS IS WHERE YOU SHOULD SHOW REJECTION, NOT ACT CALMLY AND LET IT GO BY!"

"Please stop your sexual harassment senpai," Haruhi said calmly.

I giggled to myself at the look on his face. "Sexual harassment? If I was sexually harassing you, then they must be evil criminals! Policeman, help!"

"Tamaki, you're taking this a bit too far," I looked at the twins sternly. "Come on, apologize to Tamaki."

"Only for you, Kyo-chii," they smirked down at me. "Sorry tono!"

"But," Hikaru started, putting a hand under my chin and lifting my face up. "It isn't sexual harassment…"

"…if you like it, right Kyo-chi?" Kaoru brought his lips near my ear.

Tamaki blew up again. "Release my daughter you vile criminals!"

"We don't want to!"

"Release her, obey your king!"

"Could someone just help me, please?" I yelled from between the twins.

"YOU GUYS ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH!" We all turned to stare at Renge. Said otaku looked like she was in the middle of some fangirl-rage. This could not end well. "Apart from Kyouya, none of your characters are good enough!" She pointed at us, though I wasn't sure what I had to do with anything that was going on. I was just the maid, I was not a host. "All of you hosts lack a 'shadowy' side! Fair maidens are suckers for the traumas of handsome men!"

"I hate to admit it, but she's right," I said. Look, I said I had some otaku tendencies okay?

Renge beamed at me. "See, she understands!" She schooled her features back to seriousness. "With ridiculous acts like these, it's only a matter of time before girls get tired of you! Do you all want to destroy Kyouya-sama's precious store? As the manager, I shall set new characters for all of you!"

"Wait, what?" Haruhi asked. All the other hosts wore confused, stunned expressions, except Kyouya since she wasn't going to do anything to him.

"First starting with you!" She pointed at a terrified looking Honey. "If your inside and outside are all cute then you're no different from a child! Therefore…even though you look cute, on the inside you are a vicious fiend!"

Honey screamed, apparently terrified of his own fake character, and latched tighter onto Mori. Renge turned to him.

"Morinozuka-senpai, you are an underling of your childhood friend!" Mori stared at her with a completely blank and bewildered gaze as she turned around to point at Hikaru and Kaoru. "The twins are now basketball players that close themselves off in their own world!" I laughed at their stunned and confused expressions, until she turned to me. "Kyoko is now a fair maiden caught in the throes of a love triangle between the twins."

"WAIT, WHAT?!" But she had already moved on. At that point, I stopped paying attention as the twins crowded me. "Well damn…" I mumbled.

"Don't act like you aren't pleased, Kyo-chii," they said simultaneously.

"Someone please just kill me now," I moaned and covered my face with my hands. This so-called new character…wasn't that just what I did every day at the host club?

A spotlight suddenly shone on Tamaki, making me look over at him. "The lonely prince, it fits me perfectly indeed!"

"He is so wrong," I said with a sweatdrop.

"Probably the most wrong," Haruhi agreed. But since Tamaki seemed to like the idea, we had no choice. _I wonder how this is going to play out…_

* * *

oOo

* * *

As it turned out, rich people really could afford to do the most amazing things. In this case, hire a multi-million dollar, gold-star movie director and team to come film us play our new characters in a Host Club movie.

I was staring at the massive structure that had been construced in the school just for this purpose, and sweatdropped. "How the hell is this even physically possible?" I wondered. "Doesn't the school need to give permission for this sort of stuff?"

Someone jumped on me from behind, and arms wrapped around my neck. "Ah, Kyo-chi, do you like it?" Honey beamed at me with those signature pink flowers floating around him. Wait, could his cuteness also rub off on me? That would be nice. "Renge hired them, isn't this fun?"

I smiled at him. he was so cute he just cheered me up whenever I saw him. "Ah, yeah Honey-kun, it looks like it could be fun."

"Yay!" He cheered. "Hear that Takashi? Kyo-chi likes it!"

The giant of a third year nodded and smiled down at me slightly. I smiled back. even though I spent a lot of time with the twins, Takashi and Honey had become almost like the brothers I'd never had. I'm just glad Honey wasn't my brother, because I would probably have coddled him to death by now. He is just so cute!

"Honey, Morinozuka-senpai!" Renge yelled. "I need you to come and practice with Haruhi!"

Honey jumped off my shoulders and climbed onto Takashi's. "Okay, coming! See you later, Kyo-chi!" I waved at them as they left. _Hmm, I wonder if I should go watch them practice…_

Two arms suddenly landed on my shoulders, and I jumped and looked from side to side. "Well, you looked happy," Hikaru commented from my left. There was a tone of slight jealousy to his words, but I brushed them off. I figured he was just doing his possessive seme act.

"Do you like Honey and Takashi more than you like us, Kyo-chi?" Kaoru pretended to look hurt, and he pulled off the look very well. _Aw, such a cute little uke!_

I smirked and decided to have a little fun with them, even though I knew it would definitely backfire on me sooner or later. "Aw, I'm so sorry Kaoru," I reached up and cupped his face with both hands, drawing him closer. "Don't worry, I still love you…"

His eyes widened, and his cheeks turned slightly pink. I saw his eyes flicker to someone behind me, and he smirked slightly. I blinked and found myself pulled away, into a pair of toned arms. "You're ignoring me, Kyo-koi," Hikaru frowned down at me. "Do you love him more than you love me?"

I pretended to pout and I draped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me. "Of course not, Hikaru! In fact…" I leaned up so that my lips were by his ear. And then I grinned and clicked my tongue very loudly. He jumped backwards in visible shock while I cackled with laughter and took off running. "GOTCHA!"

"Oi, come back here!" They ran after me, but I could see that they were smiling.

I ran in the direction of the set, and appeared just as Renge called my name. She nodded when she saw me. "Oh, you're here Kyoko. Why are you all sweaty? You should freshen up before you get on set…"

Before she could finish speaking the twins, who apparently hadn't been able to stop in time, barrelled into me from behind and knocked me down. "Ow…" I moaned and rolled over to sit upright. The twins followed suit and rubbed the back of their heads. "That hurt!" I glared at them. "Can't the two of you be careful?"

"We're sorry, Kyo-chi." I suddenly felt something warm and wet on both cheeks. Oh my god, were they _kissing_ me? At the same time? _I get why all those fangirls love them so much…but still…_ I was not used to receiving so much attention from guys.

Renge's voice knocked me out of my thoughts. "CAMERA, CAN WE GET SHOTS OF THIS?"

"Yes boss!" Before any of us could move, there were several random series of clicks with a bunch of people who seemed to have materialize out of nowhere and were jumping in every direction to get us from all angles.

"Perfect!" Renge beamed, checking the cameras of one of the people. "I'll show these to darling Kyoya! Maybe we'll put it in the next set of albums!" Sh lifted the megaphone she was holding. "Alright, we're starting in a few minutes. Twins, you're up first! Get dressed in your costumes! Kyoko, you too!"

"But I don't feel up to it!" My voice carried back as I was picked up and transported away by those two redheaded doppelgangers. They deposited me in front of the changing room, and tossed a white bag with my name on it in after me.

"See you on set, toy!" They grinned simultaneously, and then they disappeared. I frowned after them suspiciously. _They didn't make any perverted jokes…neither did they ask to change me…what are those twins planning?_

I decided not to think too much about it, and instead I changed into my costume: a female school uniform. _What the hell, do I look like a duck?_ I stared at the unfortunately yellow item of clothing and winced. _This is so bright, I could probably use it as a traffic signal. Ugh…at least I have dark hair. _

A few minutes later, I walked out of the changing room and marched back to the set. Haruhi was the first to see me, and she snorted. My glare shut her up. Honey beamed at me. "Wow, Kyoko, you look so cute!"

"Yeah."

I blushed slightly. It was so difficult to remember that this guy was actually two years older than I was. "MY PRECIOUS DAUGHTER, YOU LOOK SO SWEET!" Tamaki rushed to glomp me, but I sidestepped him quickly. That didn't seem to deter him, as he whirled back around and beamed at me happily.

In spite of myself, I smiled back. It was nice of them to pretend I actually looked nice and didn't resemble a Disney princess.

Renge smiled at me. "You look great, Kyoko. You should wear stuff like that more often!"

"Thanks," I pinched the skirt of the dress and lifted it slightly. "But I think we can all agree that stuff like this is definitely _not_ my style."

"But, we agree with Renge," Hikaru smiled at me. "You look really cute in that."

I blushed at his words, and rubbed my arm slightly. "Um…ah…thanks Hikaru."

Kaoru looked from his brother, to me, and back again, and then he grinned and grabbed us both. "We're starting soon, right Renge?"

"Oh yeah," she nodded. She made a sign to one of the people on the platform, and he turned on the hose he was holding to simulate rain. "Okay, everyone to their places! Lights, camera, action!"

_I watched from the sidelines as the twins dominated the court. There were so many other girls there, but I knew that we had each other in our hearts. It was a strange web we wove, one that spanned three hearts and not two. _

_Hikaru scored a basket, and I cheered along with the others girls. Until I saw it: Kaoru, stretched on the ground, his knee to his chest and a pained look on his face. I was numb, except for the pain in my heart. I heard the screams of and the voices crying for a nurse or a stretcher. I saw Hikaru kneel beside his brother, and clutch Kaoru's hand to his cheek and shed tears for his twin while Kaoru tried to console him._

_**Your pain is also my pain. It's okay if no one understands. As long as we have each other…**_

_I turned when I heard footsteps behind me. The twins stopped a few feet from me, breathing hard. "Kyoko, we can't wait anymore," Hikaru said._

"_Please, you have to tell us…" Kaoru stared at me, and I could see the love in his eyes that was mirrored in his twin's…that was mirrored in mine._

"_Which one of us do you love?"_

_I nearly broke then, and I reached for the two of them. Their hands were bigger than mine, but they fit like they were made for each other. We were a strange link, the three of us. "I…love you both!" I cried. "I don't want to choose between the two of you because…the truth is…I love you both equally!"_

_They looked down at me, and then at each other. They smiled at me and cupped my cheeks. "It's alright, Kyoko," Hikaru murmured against my left cheek as he hugged me slightly._

"_Because we love you too," Kaoru nuzzled my right cheek as he wrapped his arms around me as well._

"_Neither of us want to lose you. We couldn't bear life without you."_

_**We cling to each other, and doing so gives us strength. Doing so means we are not alone in this world…**_

"I am so drenched!" I whined, practically running out of the makeshift set. "Why does it have to rain?" I muttered, shaking out my hair and scowling. "I hope I don't get a cold from this…" Something landed on my head: a towel. I looked up at Takashi, and beamed. "Thanks Takashi!"

He nodded and walked off towards the set. I watched Tamaki's scene, feeling impressed. It surprised me that he was able to go from being so happy-go-lucky, to being an almost entirely different person. I frowned. Either he was a very good actor, or he was familiar with that sort of sadness…

I then watched Takashi and Honey's scene. _Wow, Honey's actually kind of scary here…_ I stared. _I can only imagine what Haruhi feels. _Suddnely, Honey lost character and burst into tears. He leaped into my cousin's arms, crying. "WAH, I'M SORRY HARU-CHAN! I REALLY DON'T WANT TO DO THIS!"

"CUT!" Renge screamed. "CUT, CUT, CUT! YOU, FOLLOW THE SCRIPT ALREADY!"

"But…!" Renge had turned away and was already barking orders at other people. Affirmations of "yes boss!" filled the air while I towelled my hair dry.

"Kyo-koi, come sit with us!" I walked over to where the twins were sitting down with Kyoya behind them. He was scribbling in that black notebook of his. You know, I'm worried that thing is a bit like Death Note.

"Whatcha writing, Kyoya-senpai?" I asked, skipping over. He snapped the book shut and smirked at me. I preferred his smirks to his smiles. At least those were real, but it would be nice to see Kyoya smile for once.

"Strictly confidential," Kyoya said. I pouted and turned to wave at my cousin.

"Why did a change in our characters end up as a film shoot?" Hikaru asked.

"Because someone allowed a crazy fangirl to become our manager," I jerked my head at Tamaki who was talking to Renge. "Oh, here you go Haruhi," I handed her a dry towel I found on the chair.

"Thanks Kyoko," she smiled and began to dry her hair.

"Besides, who's idea was it to make Kaoru the seme in this thing?" Hikaru suddenly asked. Haruhi blinked at them, obviously confused.

"Seme?" She repeated.

They looked away. "Don't worry. Those who don't understand don't need to know." That just left my cousin even more confused. Kaoru looked over at me and winked. "Kyo-chi gets it, right?" Haruhi turned to me, and I turned away immediately, just as Tamaki came bouncing over.

Haruhi handed him a towel. I watched the way they interacted for a moment. Tamaki obviously cared about my cousin romantically, but I knew Haruhi: she was utterly clueless about these things. The number of guys she indirectly rejected in middle school proved that.

"Haruhi, Kyoko, could you guys come here for a moment?" Renge called.

"Okay!" Haruhi replied. The two of us walked around the building, and stared. Renge was standing with a pair suspiciously thug-like individuals, one of which had thick lips. Both wore shocked, and somewhat pissed off expressions.

"Uh…what's going on?" I asked warily.

Renge beamed cheerfully. "I've asked these gentlemen for a special appearance!" By the looks on their faces, they were as confused as we were. _Ooh, this cannot end well._ "For the climax, we'll need villains! The club members, who were all disunited, will become one when they fight a true villain!"

"Uh…Renge…" Haruhi and I could see that both of the guys were getting more and more pissed off with every word. I covered my eyes with my hands and groaned.

She rambled on heedlessly. "According to my report, they are actually sons of Japanese mafia members. This makes them the perfect villains for the story!"

"What do their parents have to do with this?" I asked.

"Now, Renge-chan…" Haruhi started, but she had started dragging them guys away.

"Saying whatever you want," the one with thick lips yanked his arm out of her grip. "Don't get so cocky!" He suddenly shoved her. It was only by quick reflexes that Haruhi managed to catch her before she hit the wall and got too badly hurt.

I turned on the guy. "WHAT MAKES YOU THINK IT'S ALRIGHT TO PUSH SOMEONE?" I grabbed him by his tie and yanked him down to my level so he could see the flames in my eyes. "WELL, PUNK?!"

"She started it!" The other one grabbed my arm and pushed me away so that I stumbled backwards onto the ground. A part of me snarled at myself for being such a lightweight. "And who do you think you are, getting involved with this?"

"Oi, Kyoko, I heard screams and…" I turned as Hikaru, Kaoru and Tamaki came into sight. I saw Hikaru's eyes widen, and then narrow into furious slits at seeing me on the ground. "Kyoko!"

"Haruhi!"

_**THUD!**_

_**THUD!**_

"You punks are really asking for your faces to get punched in," Hikaru growled, holding the guy that had pushed me by the scruff of his neck. Even Kaoru, the normally calm twin, looked just as angry.

"Wait, she was the one who picked on us first!"

I got to my feet and rubbed my arm. "He's talking about Renge," I said. "And in a way, that's sort of true. Still, what she did didn't give you any right to push her. You could have seriously hurt her, and my cousin."

Hikaru's grip tightened a little bit more. "So what do you want me to do to him, Kyo-koi?"

"For now, how about we just beat him up for hurting you?" Kaoru suggested.

I smiled at them. "No, it's alright. Let them go." Neither twin looked too happy, but Hikaru's rip loosened and the guys ran away.

The twins snorted. "Cowards. You should have let us beat them up."

I grinned up at the twins. "Hey, what's with this violence?" I laughed gently. "You guys don't have to be so protective."

They shook their heads, and smiled back. Why did I get the feeling that they were being sincere this time, and not doing that their simultaneous twin-love act. "Yes, we do," they said. "Because we care about you, Kyoko. We don't want you to get hurt."

They were being so sincere, I almost teared up, until I heard Renge again. "CAMERA, DID YOU GET ALL THAT?" _Well, it looks like she's fine._

I turned and ran to Haruhi. "That was great by the way," I told her, helping her to her feet. "What you did, saving Renge."

"Well, I couldn't just let her get hurt," Haruhi shrugged. She was blinking a lot, and one of her eyes looked watery. "Sorry, my contact fell out when I grabbed Renge."

_**CRASH!**_

We looked up in surprise. Kyoya had smashed a rock into the camera lens of one of the film crewmembers. What really surprised me was the look on his face. Normally he looked blank and composed, and while Renge was been around he had been more courteous towards her. Now…now he just looked angry.

It was quite terrifying. At least, it was to me. Poor Renge looked confused. That action was not in line with what she believed her Kyouta was like. "Kyouya-sama…?"

"I'm sorry, but there cannot be any record of our club members displaying violence," he said calmly. "Causing us trouble like this is extremely unpleasant. Please quit being such a pest."

_Ouch. _All of that was said with such perfect an unfeeling calm that it actually hurt _my_ feelings. Renge broke down. "No, you're supposed to pat my head and tell me and tell me not to worry!" She was crying. "A person full of affectionate love like you…why are you suddenly acting like this?"

Tamaki smiled gently. "Because that's not who Kyouya is."

I watched Renge sink to the ground, apparently overcome with that realization of how wrong she had been. _This is painful for her, _I thought to myself. _But sometimes pain is necessary, because we might not learn anyway else._

My cousin walked over to her to comfort her. "But that's okay, isn't it?" She asked, kneeling down in front of the crying girl. "Even if Kyouya-senpai was a bit different than you thought, I think it's fun to get to know people properly, and get to know them more and more as time goes on."

_Like how I'm doing with the Host Club,_ I grinned and looked up at the sky. _The more I get to know them, the more I grow to love them like family._

* * *

oOo

* * *

**Several days later…**

"I bought that video!"

"Me too!"

"Me too!"

That was the surprising message we received the next week from the girls who came to visit the Host Club. We all blinked simultaneously. "Say what?" I asked quietly. "What video?"

"That rain scene was the best!" One of the girls squealed.

"The prince of loneliness!"

"Hikaru-sama and Kaoru-sama's relationship was so good!"

"I loved the love triangle between the twins and Kyoko-chan!"

"I want to see more of Honey-kun's dark side!"

Hikaru and Kaoru looked sufficiently confused. "Does anyone know what they're talking about?" Kaoru asked.

Tamaki raised a hand. "Kyouya…"

Said Shadow King smiled and stopped writing in his notebook for a moment. "Yes, I got a copy of the video," he said. "I copied it, but only after editing the violent scenes out, of course. They left us only a fraction of the profits," he looked at us. "As expected of a large film company."

I sweatdropped. _He really is a Shadow King…_ And then I realised that I wouldn't want Kyouya-senapi anyway else. Being in the host club had made me realise that there were a lot of different people in the world, and just because I didn't understand them, that was no reason to form opinions what they should be like.

**Sorry, I never watched the anime to the end so I'm not quite sure what happened after. Spoiler: I do know that's when Renge decided she loved Haruhi (seriously, someone should click. She looks way too feminine to be a guy) **

**Butterfly-chan**


	6. Chapter 6

**Carnival**

_Ah, Saturdays,_ I thought to myself as Haruhi and I walked down the streets. Ranka-san had given us some money to go to the supermarket and we had just finished shopping for the week. We were distributing the load between us. I was carrying all the frozen stuff, like the sausages, the fish and the butter, while Haruhi was carrying the all the canned stuff and the bread.

_Saturdays,_ I smiled. _The one day when you're free from school. You don't have to work. You can just do whatever you want without having to deal with people you don't like but have to interact with because you decided to help out your cousin and got sucked into a weird club with twins who think you're a life-size doll._

Haruhi was dressed in a strapless pink sundress that Ranka must have bought for her, and I was wearing my favourite pair of black jean shorts and a loose white top with a black flower sketched on it. I had decided not to tie my hair up in pigtails so it was just loose. I was considering cutting it a bit shorter, it was becoming a bit of a hassle to keep neat. Not as short as Haruhi's, maybe just shoulder length.

"Hey, Kyoko!" I blinked and realised that Haruhi had stopped. I doubled back and came to stand beside her. She pointed at the poster on the wall. "Look, there's supposed to be a carnival or something tonight!"

"Ooh, that sounds like fun!" I beamed at her. "We should go!"

She nodded as well and smiled at me. "Yeah, we should. I hope dad lets us, though."

I waved a hand, and then remembered that I was holding a bag of frozen fish, and then I didn't bother. I rolled my eyes instead. "Please, we are two highly responsible young adults and it's a Saturday night! we'll be fine! What does he think will happen?"

oOo

**In a pretty mansion somewhere else…and no longer in Kyoko's POV…**

"Welcome back from your jog, Tamaki-sama."

The maids blinked when the blonde boy rushed past them and raced up the stairs without a word. Several of them shared confused stares, and then looked up at the ceiling worriedly when they heard a thump and someone shouting.

Tamaki furiously jabbed in the numbers of the Host Club members, virtually shaking with suppressed excitement. After a moment, they picked up. "MY LOYAL SUBJECTS, HAVE YOU SEEN THIS?" He yelled before they could say anything. "HAS THIS COME TO YOUR ATTENTION?" Tamaki screamed into the phone he was holding in one hand. In the other, he waved the poster he had spotted on a billboard while jogging that very morning.

"Tamaki, we aren't with you currently," Kyouya sighed exasperatedly over the phone. Tamaki was just lucky it wasn't that early in the morning. "We can't actually see whatever it is you are obviously so excited about."

"A FESTIVAL!" He cried in his typical flamboyant manner. "THERE IS GOING TO BE A FESTIVAL TONIGHT! WHAT A WONDERFUL OPPORTUNITY TO EXPERIENCE COMMONER CULTURE!"

"You don't need to shout tono…" Hikaru said in a bored tone.

"...you're hurting our ears," Kaoru added with a tone of equal apathy.

"Wow, it sounds like fun!" Honey cheered cutely over the phone.

"Ah."

"Then it's settled!" Tamaki beamed. "Tonight, we shall meet here and make our way to the festival!"

oOo

**Back in Kyoko's POV**

Luckily, Ranka-san had given us permission to go. He was taking a late shift at his okama bar and he apparently didn't want us to be alone at home. Whatever the reason was, I was just glad we were allowed to go. I had never been to a festival, but I'd heard that they were fun with loads of games and stuff to eat.

I turned myself in front of the mirror, looking at myself from all sides. The yukata I was wearing had been a gift from Ranka-san when I'd first arrived. It was sky-blue, with thin white silhouettes of flowers decorating it. The sash was pink, and it matched the ribbon in the bun Ranka had tied my hair into.

Haruhi's was the same as mine, except in reverse. Her yukata was pink, with the white flowers, and her sash was blue. Her hair couldn't be tied up, but Ranka had braided a few strands and woven the ribbon into them.

"You girls look so _cute_!" He squealed after he was done. We just stared at him like _dude, calm down_. I got the feeling he had always wanted to do this, but Haruhi was like me and we were both rather non-girly. He would have put make up on us, but I pointed out that it was night and it was a festival, so it wasn't like anyone would really see it or care. He waved at us as we left. "Bye girls!"

It didn't take us long to get to the park, and when we got there, I gasped. It had been transformed, with sparkling lights and red and orange paper lamps. There were so many stalls and vendors, and the _food_! I could smell the curries and the fried squid-on-sticks and it was so overwhelming. _OH MY GOD THE_ CHOICES! I screeched in my head. _I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START!_

"Kyoko? Kyo-chan?" Haruhi poked me several times before I snapped out of my sparkle-eyed haze of confusion. "Why don't we just walk? If we see something fun, we'll try it okay?"

"Okay!" I chirped. She laughed. I loved my cousin. She knew that this was my first ever festival, so I had all right to be a bit starry-eyed and confused. Ranka-san had given us some money to spend, plus some of our own, so we were guaranteed to have a good time. "Ooh, candyfloss!" I stopped almost immediately by a stall that was selling candyfloss in every colour of the rainbow.

I came away with a bright orange fluff of candyfloss on a stick. When I turned, I met Haruhi's amused stare. "We haven't even been here five minutes!"

I grinned and took a bite. "But it's candyfloss~!" I said in a super childish voice. I held it out to her, waving it temptingly in front of her face. "You know you want some~," I teased.

Her eyes narrowed, and then she took a bite. We continued on, sharing the stick between us. I ate most of t though, because it was still mine. I let Haruhi ave the last bite, and then I threw the paper stick away. "So, where are we going next?" I asked.

"Ah, look at that, you can fish for goldfish over there!" A familiar voice squealed.

Haruhi and I froze. I tilted my head to the side dubiously. "Is that…"

"…Honey-senpai?" Haruhi finished. "If it is, then that means that…"

"Look, you can win prizes here for throwing a ball at some targets!" Simultaneous voices cheered. "Look tono, it's a giant panda!"

I suddenly became aware of the familiar fangirl-ish tone of the voices of the girls that were around. "Look, they're so handsome!"

"That one looks so cool!"

"Wow, he's like a prince!"

"Are they twins, they're so cute!"

"Prince?" Haruhi muttered.

"Twins?" I sighed. "Damn. You know what, let's just pretend like we never knew they were here," I grabbed Haruhi and turned around to leave, but then the crowd chose that moment to part a little and they saw us. And by 'they', I mean the entire Host Club of Ouran Academy. Haruhi and I froze.

"MY DAUGHTERS!" I managed to sidestep Tamaki's glomp, but Haruhi wasn't so fortunate. Tamaki wrapped his arms around her and hefted her into a massive hug. "I missed you!"

"You saw me yesterday," she said blankly, but I saw her cheeks flush slightly at how close she was to Tamaki. He had pressed her face into his chest. I snickered at the look on her face, and then felt two arms around me. I was suddenly reminded of my own problem. Or, should I say _problems_.

"Kyo-chan, you look so cute!" Kaoru pinched one cheek. He was dressed in a darker blue yukata than mine.

"Did you dress up specially for us?" Hikaru pinched my other cheek. His yukata was orange. Both had thin black sashes around their waists. Their yukatas were also a little loose so I could see a bit of their upper chests.

I blushed, but I covered it up with a frown and tried to shake their hands away. "I had no idea you guys were going to be here!" I told them. "Speaking of which, why are you guys here?"

"Because Tama-chan called us and asked us to go!" Honey waved at me from the top of Mori's shoulders. I had to crane my neck to look at him. Damn Mori is tall… "You and Haru-chan look really, really cute by the way!" He chirped. I noticed that he was eating the remains of a green candyfloss. I suddenly wanted another one.

Hey, don't look at me like that, candyfloss is delicious. It's like eating clouds made of sugar! Kyouya pushed up his glasses and sighed. "Well, since we're all together like this, why don't we all just walk around together?"

"I want to go with Haruhi!" Tamaki yelled, hugging Haruhi tighter. Her face became redder, whether from embarrassment or lack of oxygen.

"Tamaki-senpai, get off me!" She yelled.

"In that case, we want to go with Kyo-chan!" Hikaru and Kaoru yelled, squishing me between them and resting their cheeks on my head. I sweatdropped and sighed.

Honey frowned. "Wah, we want to go with Kyo-chan too!" He said. _I wouldn't mind walking around with them,_ I thought. I smiled at Honey and he beamed back. "Yay, Kyo-chan wants to walk around with us!"

The twins held me tighter between themselves. "She's our toy, not yours!" Hikaru said.

"Get your own!" Kaoru told them.

"I'm not a toy!" I reminded them, but they ignored me. "Freaking rich kids," I sighed.

"But you love us!" They smirked and pressed their noses against my cheeks. "Let's go!"

And with that, they dragged me away from the rest of the Host Club. After running around some stalls and games, they finally stopped and set me down. "Now, what do you want to do first?" Kaoru asked me. I blinked and looked around, quickly forgetting my annoyance.

"I…don't know," I told them with a shrug. "This is my first time being at a festival."

They blinked at me, and then looked at each other. "Then…" Hikaru started.

"…why don't we play some games?" Kaoru finished. They led me to a game stall. Hung from the top of the stall were fluffy toys and stuffed animals. At the back were stacks and rows of more toys, ranging from the biggest to the smallest.

The man in charge smiled when we came closer. "Step right up and win a prize! Just knock down all the cans! Winner gets to pick a prize from the top shelf!"

"Ooh, I wanna play!" I cheered. Money changed hands, and he handed me five tennis balls. I took careful aim and threw. I knocked down the first stack, part of the second stack, then all of it, and then I wasted the rest of my balls trying to knock down the rest of the third stack.

"Better luck next time," the man smiled sympathetically.

"Damn…" I huffed and turned to leave. "Well, that's it for me."

The twins looked surprised. "What do you mean?" They asked. "Don't you want a prize?"

I shrugged. "Of course I do. But I don't have enough money to play this game as many times at will probably take to knock down those five stacks."

Hikaru and Kaoru frowned at me, and then turned to each other. They seemed to be having one of those deep, inner conversations they sometimes had. Finally, they turned to the game. "Which one do you want?" They asked simultaneously.

I blinked in confusion. "The giant panda, but I don't see how…"

Hikaru slammed some money down on the counter and smirked. "We wanna play."

I stared at them in surprise. I hadn't expected the two of them to care so much over one panda. It took three tries and about $25 in all, but finally they managed to knock down all the stacks. A minute later, we were walking around the festival with my new stuffed panda clutched in my arms. The thing was about the size of my torso, maybe slightly bigger, so I had to rest my chin on the top of its head while I walked so I would be able to see in front of me.

I smiled up at the two of them. "Thank you!"

Kaoru ruffled my hair affectionately. "Aw, so cute!"

Hikaru draped an arm around my shoulders. "You're welcome Kyo-chan," he smiled.

I giggled and nuzzled my face into my new toy. Okay, so maybe hanging with them for the rest of the festival wouldn't be so bad.

"As a reward, can we visit your house on our next holiday?" They asked me.

I stopped nuzzling my new toy, and glared at them suspiciously. "Why…?"

"We're curious!"

"No."

"Please?"

"Nope."

"Not even if we beg?"

"No, and that's final!" I stuck out my tongue at them. They pouted, but I managed to ignore them. "Look, they're selling candyfloss over there!"

We walked over to a vendor that was selling candyfloss, but she had less variety of colours than the first one I'd seen. I chose a blue one, while Kaoru chose green and Hikaru chose orange. When I was about to pay, Kaoru pushed my hand down firmly. "No," they smirked at me. "Tonight, we'll take care of your every need."

I frowned at them, even as my cheeks burned. "Why does that sound oddly sexual?"

They paid for me, and I took a bite of my candyfloss. _All this sugar cannot be good for me._ "Mmm, this tastes good!" I beamed.

"Really?" Hikaru asked.

"Then mind if we get a taste?"

Suddenly, their faces were close to mine, on either side of my fluffy cloud of sugar, and they each took giant bites. I jumped, and accidentally got some of the candyfloss on my face. "Ah, Kyo-koi, you're such a messy eater," Hikaru purred. His tongue licked at the sugar on my nose.

"We'll clean you up," Kaoru whispered, and his tongue brushed against my cheek where the candyfloss had landed. They pulled away after that, smirking and looking highly pleased with themselves. I was so embarrassed. My face was so red that I was probably glowing. "Mmm," Kaoru licked his lips. "You're right, it _does_ taste sweet."

"I wonder what _you_ taste like," Hikaru leaned closer to my face. "Can I taste you, Kyo-koi?"

"WHAT THE HELL!?" I burst out and yelled at them. People were staring, so I lowered my voice. "What was that for?" I lifted my panda higher up my chest in an attempt to hide my blush. My heart was beating fast and I couldn't look Hikaru in the eye. "Why do you guys always do that…?" I murmured into the fur. "Especially you Hikaru."

I saw their faces soften, much the same way it had that time when they had come to protect me from those hooligans at the set. "Because you're too adorable," Hikaru said simply, and then their eye widened in shock.

"Wait, how did you know I/he was Hikaru?!"


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm so happy that I have reviews! I want to thank everyone who has reviewed, favourited and pretty much just given me kudos. I love you all! Enjoy this chapter my fellow otaky and Hitachiin-lover friends!**

**I don't own Ouran High School Host Club. **

**We Start a Fight**

I cocked my head to the side and shrugged. "I don't know, I just do. You're Hikaru," I pointed to the twin on my left. "And you're Kaoru. What, people can't tell you apart?" They shook their heads slowly, no. My eyes widened in surprise. "But you guys are different! I mean, the only time you guys may be difficult to tell apart is when you talk in sync!"

"Kyoko!" I turned and spotted Haruhi pushing her way through the crowd, with an excited Tamaki in tow. He was holding her hand and kept pointing at different things. "No, Tamaki, you already bought enough snacks!"

But Haruhi-!"

I grinned and waved her over. "Hey, Haruhi, can you tell which twin is which?"

My cousin blinked, and then faced the twins. "Of course. That's Hikaru, and that's Kaoru," she pointed to the correct twin in turn.

"See?" I told them, smiling cheerfully. I ignored the stunned looks on their faces.

Hikaru took a step closer to me and his eyes narrowed. "How did you know that? What's your basis for that assumption?"

I waved a finger in their faces and smirked when he leaned back in surprise. "It's a fact, not an assumption. Kaoru is more soft-spoken than you are, and his eyes are kinder."

Haruhi nodded in agreement. "I think Hikaru's actions are one level meaner than Kaoru's. Oh, wow, that's a cute toy!" She had caught sight of my panda and changed the subject. "Where did you get it?"

I held it up proudly. "You like it? The twins got it for me. Hikaru knocked down all the stacks in one of the games and they let me pick the prize!"

A sign appeared over our heads. **Ill Intentions: Zero**. _I wonder why that's there…_

Suddenly, I heard a hissing sound, like steam escaping from a kettle. Kaoru had a hand over his mouth, and he was struggling to keep something back. His gaze slid over to Hikaru's. "S-sorry Hikaru," he said, and then he burst into peals of laughter.

Hikaru did not look pleased with his twin's apparent amusement at our deduction. "Well, I'm just being honest and saying what I want without holding anything back. Besides, Kaoru's actually the one who's more ill-natured."

Kaoru's laughter immediately stopped, and he glared at his twin. This was something I had never thought I would see: the twins were actually arguing about something. "Don't just be saying what you want. I'm the one who has to deal with your selfishness all the time."

My head went to Hikaru when he spoke again. "I may have brought this up, but you're the one who's digging a deeper hole. Don't like it? Then stop. What, are you stupid?"

"Um…guys?" I tried to say something to calm them down.

They ignored me. "That's because I can't help but see you as being dumber," Kaoru replied back harshly. "Because, even though you call Haruhi and Kyoko toys, you always flirt with Kyoko whenever you get the chance." There, Kaoru paused as though he was considering something. His tone turned thoughtful. "Hikaru…you actually like Kyoko, don't you?"

I froze, and my head snapped up to stare at Kaoru in shock. Hikaru gaped. "Huh!?" He yelled. "What are you misunderstanding here? You really are an idiot Kaoru."

Tamaki suddenly got involved. "Don't say such things about my daughter!" He was mostly ignored by the twins, and by me. My mind was still fixed on Kaoru's words. _Hikaru, you actually like Kyoko, don't you?_

Was it possible? Did Hikaru actually like me? Was that why he and Kaoru were always flirting with me? Well, I had no idea what Kaoru's part in all of this was, but he seemed to be like Hikaru's conscience and he was also the more level-headed twin. However, he and Hikaru were always together and Hikaru seemed like the dominant twin, most likely because he was the oldest.

_But, if he likes me…_

He spoke again. "Anyway, why would I like a short fox like Kyoko?" Hikaru yelled, and I felt something constrict in my chest. Was that…disappointment? Did I want Hikaru to like me? Did I like him? I didn't know. I caught Haruhi staring at me with an understanding expression on her face. I smiled slightly, and looked back at the twins, just as the ground began to shake and I heard the high-pitched laughter of someone very familiar.

"The hell?" I took a step back as a platform rose out of the ground with none other than Renge at the top.

Several festival-goers stared at Renge, and then clapped. They probably thought she was some sort of festival stunt. I used that as a distraction and quickly shoved Haruhi behind Mori and Kyouya who had appeared at that moment. "Wah!" She yelped. "What are you doing?"

"She thinks you're a girl," I hissed. "You're dressed in a pink _female _yukata and you have ribbons braided in your hair! She's gonna click, or assume you enjoy cross-dressing!"

"Oh…"

I turned around just as Renge began to speak. "A beautiful, yet painful three-sided relationship involving Kyoko! And they're twins no less!" She squealed and spun around. "Renge can eat three bowls of rice of this!"

"Get lost you otaku," the twins deadpanned, which made her pout and throw a miniature tantrum.

"Uh, Renge, didn't you leave?" I arched both my eyebrows at her.

She beamed up at me. "Oh, I did, but I came back last weekend and enrolled back into Ouran!"

"And, what made you come back from France?" Tamaki asked.

"Because when I tried founding a host club there, it wasn't really received well because the people weren't ready!" I sweatdropped and facepalmed at her cheerful, carefree attitude to everything.

"I have had it with you already!" I turned back to face the twins at the sudden outburst. They were in each other's faces now, and they both looked so furious with each other. "You're always sneaking into my bed," Hikaru yelled at Kaoru. "That's very annoying!"

"I only slept with you because you looked so helplessly lonely!" Kaoru snapped. _Bad choice of words,_ I thought, glancing at the squealing girls behind me. I guess yaoi-love must be rampant. "You idiot!"

"Who are you calling an idiot?"

"At least Kyoko likes me better!"

I glared at them. "Hey, do not bring me into this!"

They ignored me. I should be used to this by now. "I won her a teddy bear!" Hikaru yelled back.

"I'm nicer to her!" Kaoru retaliated.

"She loves me!

"No, me!"

"Kyoko!" I jumped and hid behind Mori when they spun around to face me. "Which one of us do you like more?"

"I said don't bring me into this!" I yelled from behind Mori. "I don't function well under pressure!"

"See, she doesn't like you! Erotic imp!"

"Pervert!"

"AT LEAST I'M BETTER THAN YOU! THAT'S IT, I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU ANYMORE!" I groaned and covered my face with my hands. Suddenly, a hand grabbed mine and began to drag me away from my hiding spot. Kaoru was leading me away.

"Come on Kyo-chan, let's go watch the fireworks together," he smiled at me. Another pair of hands grabbed my other arm, and yanked me in a different direction.

"No, she wants to watch it with me," Hikaru glared at his brother, and then smiled at me. "Right Kyo-koi?"

I groaned. "Can't we all just get along?" I whined. Suddenly, hands lifted me up and I was cradled by another pair of arms. I looked up at Mori and beamed. "Thanks Mori-senpai!"

"Hey, she's mine!" The twins yelled at Mori. Then they glared at each other. "No, mine! Mine! MINE!"

I surveyed my life then: twins fighting for my affections, girls watching us like we were a romantic movie, and Renge fangirling at the top of her spinning motor thing. I covered my face with my hands and wished I was at home and this was all a bad dream. Unfortunately, I got the feeling that it had only just begun.

oOo

The following Monday, I walked into school with Haruhi much as I had been doing everyday since I came to Ouran. I hoped that maybe the twins would have made up over the rest f the weekend and everything would go back to being normal.

"Do you think they're still fighting?" I asked Haruhi as we walked into school. Even though their sudden animosity towards each other had branched off into a _which-twin-does-Kyoko-love more_ argument, I was still worried about them. The twins didn't seem like they ever fought, and the fact that they were fighting now, and over something so pointless, worried me.

Haruhi shrugged and pushed open the door of our class. "Who knows? I hope they make up soon though."

I nodded my agreement and plopped my bag on my desk. I sat down and pulled out a book to read while we were in our homeroom. The door opened again, and a voice spoke. "Haruhi, Kyoko, good morning."

"Oh, hi Hikaru-!" I blinked, too stunned at the sight before me to speak. And then I recovered enough to actually formulate an appropriate response to the sight in front of me. "What the hell?"

"Hikaru…what happened to your hair?" Haruhi asked as the now flamingo-pink twin walked up to us. "Why pink?"

"It actually looks good on you," I commented, standing up to get a good look at his new hairstyle. He'd removed his parting and combed it to the back in a sort of flame hairstyle.

Hikaru grinned at me, and I found myself blushing a bit. _Wait, what? _He ruffled my hair affectionately. "It's cute, don't you think, Kyo-koi? I'm pink, starting today."

I frowned. "But, why did you dye your hair exactly?" I asked.

"Because I'm sick and tired of always being mistaken for the likes of Kaoru…" I leaned to the side slightly when I saw a familiar figure walk into the class. Well, not so familiar anymore. I snickered.

Kaoru was now sporting a magnificent sky-blue crest of hair, which was also combed into the exact same hairstyle as Hikaru's. "Good morning, Kyo-chi, Haruhi."

"And Kaoru's blue huh?" My cousin sweatdropped. I covered my mouth so that my laughter wouldn't be so obvious. The whole situation was so ludicrous, I couldn't help finding it just a tad bit funny. I mean, they had fought, and then gone home and decided to dye their hair matching but also different colours!

"I was finally able to have a good night's sleep alone last night," Kaoru smiled as Hikaru walked over to the seat beside mine and between Haruhi and me. "But I had a nightmare. I dreamt that I dyed my hair pink! What a terrible dream, right?" Kaoru laughed and sat down.

Or, at least, he tried to. Suddenly, he was on the ground and Hikaru's leg was kicking the chair. I sweatdropped at that not-very-subtle move. There was another crash, and then Hikaru was on the ground, and Kaoru was holding his chair leg.

I leaned towards Haruhi. "We should probably move now…"

Before we could, the twins straightened up, glared at each other, and began throwing all manner of things at each other, from furniture to vases to Honey-senpai. No, seriously, I'm pretty sure I saw the kid flying between them and clutching Usa-chan.

Haruhi sighed and let her head sink to the table. "Too late…"

I sighed and grabbed my bag before it could join the paraphernalia of stuff flying above me. It looked like things had just got more complicated.

oOo

Haruhi and I decided that the best thing to do would be to follow the twins around so that none of them ended up mauling the other or doing something equally drastic. In the end, we wound up following them to the school cafeteria, which was a place I'd never visited after seeing the cost of the food in it. Haruhi and I usually brought our own lunches from home.

"Lunch set A," the twins said. And then they glared at each other. "Actually, I'll take the B pasta and the D salad! No, the Cappellini and the Barbary duck from F! Never mind, a foie-gras poele with perigueux sauce!"

They were freaking out the lunch people, as well as the other students around them. It was still funny to watch, but I was becoming more and more worried. Didn't they know when to make up and stop? Besides, they were so close before, how could they suddenly start fighting? And over something so silly?

_They probably hate it when people mix them up,_ I thought to myself. _They want their own identities, I guess. Maybe this fight was a long time coming…_

"Stop copying me! I said stop copying me!"

"Amazing, they're fighting with gritted teeth," Haruhi said, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"I just don't get how they can be arguing, and yet still be in perfect sync!" I told her. My eyes narrowed and I frowned in the twin's direction. _Wait…something doesn't add up._

"I thought it was unusually noisy in here." I looked away from the twins. Tamaki, Honey, Mori and Kyouya walked into the cafeteria. Huh, it was odd seeing the entire host club all together out of the Third Music Room, but no less sparkly. "You guys are still fighting?" The blonde asked. "You guys are a disgrace to the host club."

"Ah, the host club is here! The entire host club is here!"

"Hi, Kyo-chi!" Honey leaped into my arms, and the sudden impact almost made me drop my bento. "Takashi, look, Kyo-chi is here!"

I looked up at Mori with a grin. "Hi, Mori-senpai!" I chirped.

He gave me one of his small but meaningful smiles. "Hello Kyoko."

"It's great to see you guys," I told them. "I've never eaten lunch here before, so we can eat lunch together, right Honey-senpai?" I looked down at Honey. He wasn't in my arms anymore. "Uh, Honey-senpai?"

"Okay, stop right there!" I turned around, and spotted Honey between the twins, holding a pink paddle that said _rabbit sumo_. "Double punishment for fighting!" He suddenly pulled out a strawberry cake from…somewhere, and held it up above his head. "Hika-chan and Kao-chan will each have half of this cake and make up with each other, okay?"

_That is incredibly cute and sweet but really unhelpful. _I groaned and facepalmed, and then I tugged on Mori's sleeve. "Mori-senpai?" When he looked down at me, I pointed wordlessly at Honey and the twins. The aura surrounding the twins and Honey was now one of complete annoyance.

Mori nodded and walked over to them, picked up Honey, and walked back. "You're only making things worse, so stop it."

I sighed. The host club was wilder than I thought. I had only been present for five episodes, I mean, a few weeks, and I already had my own fanclub (one supported Kaoru, one supported Hikaru, and the last one believed in polygamy) and personal twin harem. "EVEN IF IT IS AN EMBARRASSING-LOOKING HEART BENTO, I WILL EAT IT WITHOUT HESITATION!"

And, of course, I got to meet a person like Tamaki on a daily basis. You do not find people like him everywhere. I followed my cousin to the table she was sitting at, and put my bento box down. "Kyoko, can I sit here?"

"Uh, sure Hikaru," I nodded. He sat down beside me, an annoyed and resigned look on his face. "So what did you get to eat?" I asked after a moment. There had been so much debate over it that I was curious now.

He scowled. "When I asked for a different plate than Kaoru's, I got all the stuff I didn't like," he complained. "Hey, what's in your bento?"

"Um…some rice and crab sausages, and some squid," I replied. I had made a relatively Japanese bento after Haruhi accused me last night of being to English. It's not that I don't like Japanese food, o just wasn't used to it entirely.

"Can I have it?" Hikaru asked, already reaching for my bento. "You can eat mine. I'm sure it's better than your usual commoner fare."

"Oh, gee, thanks Hikaru," I said with blank sarcasm. "Hey, Haruhi, you want some?" I looked over at my cousin. She nodded and pushed her bento towards Hikaru as well, so I pushed the tray between us.

"Wow…" we stared at the food. It looked so expensive and delicious. I stabbed something that looked like fish with my fork and Haruhi chose the strawberries in cream. I took a bite.

Fireworks exploded on my tongue. Hearts appeared around me and, in the background, a choir of angels could be heard singing the hallelujah chorus. It was just that good. I was sure my cousin had the same look on her face. I would have looked, but I had lost all touch with anything outside the taste in my mouth.

Kaoru sat down beside me. "Hey, it's good right?" I nodded wordlessly, still sparkling. "Then try some of mine," he held up a spoonful of something chocolate-y and tilted my chin up. "Open up, ah~"

My mouth opened automatically, and then suddenly someone jumped between us and ate my chocolate. The disappointment hit me harder than you would have thought. _NOOO! DAMN YOU HKARU, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!?_

Next thing I knew, Kaoru had thrown a bowl of some sort of soup at Hikaru, who had used Tamaki's face as a shield. Thus, the _let's-fling-everything-in-sight-at-each-other _began again.

Haruhi sighed, and grabbed her bento. "Let's go eat in the classroom."

"Okay," I grabbed my bento as well, and then I opened it and poured the fish thing into the cover compartment. "Don't give me that look," I told Haruhi without looking at her. "Let's go. let's also hope that the twins calm down before the club starts."


	8. Chapter 8

**Twin Devils**

Tamaki called an emergency meeting of the Host Club to discuss the problem of twins. Haruhi and I sat side by side, and I was reading _Alice in Wonderland_, which I had borrowed from the library. Kyouya was tapping numbers into his calculator while Tamaki was lying face-down on the table, apparently exasperated.

Finally, Kyouya spoke. "If this situation goes on, we'll be forced to stop selling the brotherly love," he said as he scribbled something down. "Designations will definitely drop. That will definitely be a problem. Oh, Kyoko, Haruhi…" We looked over at him, wary at how calm he sounded. He smiled at us in that fake manner of his. "You two don't have to feel responsible for anything, even if the cause of their fight was simply one thoughtless little comment."

We both sweatdropped. "He so blames us," I muttered, and then I looked over at Honey when he spoke.

"This is the first time that Hika-chan and Kao-chan have fought, right?" He stared at Usa-chan in his hands. Haruhi focused on him as well. "I've known them since kindergarten, even though I didn't talk to them since we were in different grades…" I sweatdropped again. _I keep forgetting that this adorable munchkin is actually two years older than I am._ "…but I noticed that they always played by themselves."

Tamaki nodded as he seemed to remember something too. "Yeah, I've only known them since middle school, and they were pretty odd. It was like they wouldn't let anyone get close to them except each other."

The way Tamaki described the twins made me feel sad. "So they were always alone?" I wondered. I stared at the pages of my book, not seeing the words.

"So they only had each other," Haruhi murmured.

"But, maybe this could be good for them!" Tamaki suggested. "If they're fighting, doesn't that mean that their world is expanding? It might actually be best if we just left them to it."

I looked out the window at the setting sun. "But, if this is their first fight, then how will they know when to stop?"

"If this is the first time they've ever fought and been angry with each other," Haruhi said agreed with me. "They probably don't even know how to make up." The atmosphere of the club turned depressed and worried.

oOo

The twins, in fact, did _not_ stop arguing throughout the day. As a result, the Host Club had to be temporarily closed for that day. Haruhi and I stood side by side inside the Third Music Room, and gazed up at the impressive pile of thrown objects. Honey-senpai was sitting at the top, clutching Usa-chan ad rocking back and forth.

I looked at the twins. They were breathing heavily, but still glaring at each other like they wanted to kill each other. I sighed and spoke aloud to no one in particular. "How are they not tired yet?"

Tamaki looked to be at the end of his rope. He was twitching and pinching the skin of his forehead. "You two are still fighting, after all this time?" He growled. "You troublesome siblings…"

"Troublesome?" Hikaru scoffed. "Ha, _I'm_ the troubled one for having the same face as Kaoru," he glared at his twin. "I'm tired of always being mistaken for you! The truth is, I really hate you!"

"This is getting out of hand," I muttered.

Kaoru returned the glare with equal heat. "That's my line," he yelled back. "And to prove it…" he reached into his blazer pocket and pulled out a wooden doll shaped like a cat. "Look, the voodoo doll I bought from Nekozawa-senpai!" Tamaki screamed and ran away at the sight of the doll.

"Who's Nekozawa-senpai?" I asked Haruhi.

"The authoress accidentally cut him out."

"What?"

"Nothing."

I focused back on the twins. Kaoru had pulled out a pen and was scribbling something on the back of the doll. "I'm going to write your name on it, and then you'll be plagued with a lot of problems and misfortunes!"

I scowled. Enough was enough! Haruhi and I stepped forward. My cousin knocked Kaoru on the head while I bopped Hikaru. "Would you two just quit it already?" I yelled at them angrily. I grabbed the voodoo doll from where it had fallen on the floor. "Don't bring something so dangerous into a fight as stupid as this!"

"Both of you are to blame for this fight! It's bad enough that you guys are arguing," Haruhi scolded them. "But you're bothering everyone as well and inconveniencing them!"

"Make up with each other right now! " I told them furiously. "If you two don't apologise to each other and make up, we'll _never_ let you visit us!"

There was silence for a while as the twins gazed up at us with stunned expressions. Finally, their lips twitched. To my shock, they both smirked. "Hmmm?" Haruhi and I stared at them in confusion. They got up and leaned closer to us. "So, if we make up, we can visit you guys?"

Suddenly, they crossed arms and leaned against each other behind us like they were the best of friends. I blinked, and I looked down at the voodoo doll. Suddenly suspicious, I turned it over. One word was scrawled over the wood in bold black ink: _Fail._

Suddenly, everything made sense. "THE HELL?" Haruhi took the doll from me and looked at it. when she saw what was written on it, her soul seemed to leave her body.

The twins started doing their twincest love act. We had told them to make up, after all. "I'm sorry Kaoru," Hikaru cupped his brother's cheek gently. "Even though I'm the older twin, I said such horrible things to you…"

"Oh Hikaru," Kaoru held his brother's shoulders and gazed into his eyes with an anguished expression. "I'm the one who should be sorry. Even though I was only following your script, I was so worried about hurting you…"

"Kaoru, I'm never letting you go again!"

"Hikaru!"

I blinked and looked away. "I think I'm gonna puke," I said. Haruhi was on all fours on the ground, apparently having given up on life at that moment. Honey-senpai was waving his arms around like an angry chibi character.

"So this was a fake fight?"

"What, we were bored!" The twins said simultaneously. "And we wanted to be able to visit Kyoko and Haruhi! Ah, that was fun! Kakakakaka!"

I suddenly recovered from my stunned stupor, and glared at the two of them. I cracked my knuckles and developed an angry red aura. "Hikaru, Kaoru?" I said sweetly. They both turned to face me nervously. "YOU TWO ARE SO DEAD WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!" I leaped at them and ended up chasing the two of them around the room in a fit of relieved rage. "Get back here the two of you! I am going to kill you both!"

"It was just for fun, Kyo-koi!"

"Dammit Hikaru, get back here the two of you!"

oOo

After the whole thing was cleared up, the Host Club was reopened. I was glad. These people were my friends, and it was nice to see everyone happy and not fighting. "Alright, time for the _Which One is Hikaru_ game?"

The twins still had their hair dyed. They hadn't washed off the dye when they went home. One girl raised her hand shyly. "Um, I think the pink one is Hikaru?"

"Correct!" The twins cheered. The other girls clapped.

"So you guys aren't taking the dye off, even after making up?" One girl asked.

"I'm glad though, it'll be easier to tell you apart now," another girl smiled. I walked past them, pushing my snack tray in front of me. Then I took another look at the twins, and I shook my head.

"You're wrong," I said, smiling at the girls. "The pink one is Kaoru, and the blue one's Hikaru."

"You guys switched your hair colours, huh?" Haruhi smiled, and the two of us walked away. I was aware of the twins staring at us as we walked away, as though we had done something strange and amazing.

**Twins POV**

"Hikaru…you know, they're the first…"

"I know."

"…without guessing either."

_Have you noticed Hikaru? The world, until now, has always been 'our world' or 'everything outside our world'. This is the first time real intruders have appeared._


End file.
